Wow.  Just, wow.  This is getting SOOOOO good!

That's right that Def Leppard song rocks to this day!

Haha, AARP eligible...man am I glad no one is in the office at the moment to hear me laughing out loud like a hyena :)

Wow, Edward...Bella's virginity train left the station long ago with Peter as the engineer...get with it, man!

YAY!  Embry and Tanya mated!  Now we need to find a man for Esme haha :)

Well, I guess we will find out what happens to a shapeshifter after being bitten by their mate...

Haha, your beginning A/N made me crack up!  I had a feeling you are writing some of the Wal-Mart scenes from experience.  I can't talk though...during Christmas one year, my dad and I reenacted the fight scene between Darth Vader and Obi Wan from Episode IV right in the Christmas department using green and red wrapping paper rolls haha :)

Oooh, my brother has a Dodge Ram 3500...it is one sweet ride!

Good gravy...the Cullens are screwed up!

This story is SO stinking funny!!!

Well, I would call Carlisle a pervert, but that would be an insult to perverts...

Pfft. Leah and Paul will be just fine.

You crack me up on your Wal-Mart antics!  I have to wonder if any of it comes from personal experience haha :)

The Cullens are going down!!!!  Haha, everyone will be ebtting against Alice in Vegas  hahahahaha :)

Riley's gift is sweet :)  I laughed so hard when they were at Wal-Mart!

Jasper, Jasper, Jasper...project any time haha :)

Carlisle is a veggie douchebag...wow, I actually would like to smack the fire out of them.  Better yet, I will take satisfaction in watching Bella take them down a peg or two...

I love all of the new family members!!

Love it, love it, LOVE IT!  I wish I was a vampire so I didn't have to go to sleep and stop reading :)

wow!!! Amazing chapter!! :) Aro and Paul in jail... LMAO! that was awesome... Loved the whole chapter.... Can't wait to see the next one!

Ok, I can't stop laughing at poor Charlie's internal dialogue during his change and then his response when they left him with Sue! A vampire screaming because he forgot to take his viagra? Roflmao! Bella with a stomache ache? Aro drunk at a strip joint with Paul was sheer brilliance. Of course the creep factor from Dr. Strangelove Cullen did temper things a bit. Eww. His sense of reality needs to be adjusted with a mallet to the forehead. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!

Wow   Bella is actually related to the pack.   ROFL for Paul and Aro getting arrested.

Carlisle is one sick fucker.

Oh man, the way your mind works just stuns me, LOL. If Charlie scared Caius as a human, what's gonna happen now that he's a vamp? I can hardly wait to see. Peter needs to call Carlisle and tell him what Char's been up to. That should slow the Cullens down for a few weeks during her punishment so they can get stuff sorted out in Pennsylvania. Glad they had fun with the shopping trip, though! Hillsgrove is rapidly changing its demographic as well, isn't it? Poor Sue, she's going to be so embarrassed when she gets back to herself.

wow they are off the chain!!!

i love the fact that he gave him a verbal beat down he got i also didnt see it coming that charlie and sue where going to wind up changed that was totaly unexpected i also wanted to tell you that this is my favorit story on this sight right now every time i get an update notice i always hope that its this story i cant wait to see what happens next and by the way that was great sue is a suckubi (i think thats how you spell it lol) that was pure geniuse i cant wait to see what you come up with next and how many moore vampires and wolfs that you are going to add to the story so please udpate soon

Haha I love Brewmaster!

Hooters was funny.  Ahh let them look they Love what they have at home. Carlisle has sealed his fate!  Charlete attacked Bella so she should be killed as well. Alice has committed many crimes, she may need to be punished say appropriately. Wear 2nd hand clothes and clean for the needy for at least 300 years.

Thank you..I haven't laughed so hard in awhile....

I love all your characters..Keep up the good work, I enjoy reading your work...

thank you

Pat

I am back to LMAO. I love this. I wish you would give up RL and just write this. Laughter is the best medicine.  I loved that Bella & Peter have now been exposed to the Cullen's.

wow!!! Loved this chapter... you would think he would not have even blinked at the bill at the nightclub, but I guess he is a cheap bastard too! LOL Loved that the girls pushed Alice in the cart and then ran! and I loved the little Aro pov we got! Can't wait to see the next one!

I have to say Eric is my favorite vampire on True Blood. He is so hot. I like him better with long hair though. Good story

Loved this chapter... LOL Esme and Marcus together.. yay! Glad that Embry is ok :) Loved the trip to walmart... my hubby is a manager at walmart so every time they visit the store is funny for me!!! Can't wait to see more :)

Of all of this Marcus and Esme made me smile.  We miss you, please come back soon! We have Cullens to Fry! Mainly Carlisle, Edward and Alice. Who cares about the newbies.

That's seriously not good for Embry.  Please please please don't let him die.  I like him soooo much!  On an up note, Tanya is just adorable!  I'd love to see her explore the modern world more!

Gods, I hope the mating venom is different than the hunting venom, for Embry's sake! And you gave him one of the sweetest "first-time' scenes I've ever read. Edwierdo has earned his title, we know more about the plot, and I thank you! As for your question: '67 Caddy convertible, big block V8 and (ironically) Paradise by the dashboard lights.

Mama you need to give yourself a high five! I have tears on my face laughing at Edward. Too bad Bella would not talk to him and I mean drag it out. $10,000 would have been great!

Well at least we know the why to Bella and Tanya. Now I say we just kill Carlisle and now he is married to NO ONE. Everyone of those wives shares in his....ESTATE....SWEET.. lmao

Edward now that is another subject. He says that stuff about Peter infront of Bella and I do believe she would end him all on her own. They are all sickening. Edward and Charolette, yes he deserves her. The prude (sort of) married the HO.

wow!!! Amazing chapter... Loved it... can't believe some of the stuff they found out here... it just gets crazier and crazier! Glad that they helped Jenks and his wife and secretary though... oh and that Esme is safe and dressing her age! :) Can't wait to see more!!!

Wow  Carlisle is a saudi arabian prince huh.   This gets better and better

Glad Esme is out of that.  Peter and Bella it is the best match for her. He is normal and loving and he lets her be herself.

Who knew Edward, Carlisle and Alice were so sick? Deviant!

This story is so different and I am loving it.

I'm sooo hooked on this story its not even funny. I really tried to look on fanfiction.net to see if you updated there LOL. but no such luck. *pouty face* Btw great chappy. funny as always. PLEASE update fast *puppy dog eye*

This chapter totally rocked it.  I love the way Paul and Jane dealt with Alice and Branleur.  I can not wait to see what the Cullens are really doing.  Why they want all that money and what not.  Please keep writing I am totally addicted.

Okay down here in Texas we have oil and natural gas that are big. The natural gas right now is being taken from shale. They have to use a process called "fracking".  People in rural areas, cities and suburbs are all getting paid from the local drilling.  If you have your mineral rights you can be paid for the minerals as they are pumped out.

Carlisle is so all about the money. They never say if Edwierd is okay with Carlisle screwing his mate!  I can not wait until they Edwierd & Carlisle see Vampire Bella. She needs to be dressed to the "9's".   I am not sure how fast we want them to know she is mated to Peter. Let them make a play for her or try and bring her in because she has that great power.  lmao... You got to tape Carlisle saying he has the mistresses so Esme can get out.

If Charlie and Sue are going to visit unannounced, they should expect that their children will be busy.  And since their children all have mates, Charlie and Sue should expect that their children will be busy in their bedrooms.  Although, knowing these guys, Charlie and Sue should count themselves lucky that Felix and Leah weren't in the living room.

'You're such a good boy compared to that...that...that...brute upstairs with Leah.'  Really, Sue.  So you and Charlie are models of celibacy?  And what do you think the 'good boy' was doing when you arrived?  And frankly, you arrived unannounced-which, by the way, is extremely rude-, so you have no right whatsoever to make judgements. Your lack of planning does not constitute a crisis on their part.

Somehow I don't think Peter's idea of 'Clean Love in Courtship' is the same as the nuns'.  

I'm so glad Emmett and Rosalie are here.  

From the impression I've gotten of Emmett's personality in the books, I think being a computer hacker suits him.   

Carlisle is just-EEEEWWWWW.  Besides being gross, he's awful.  I can think of several Death Eaters I like more.  E. g. Bellatrix.  At least she doesn't pretend to be good.  Her attitude screams: 'I'm mean and nasty, I'm going to be mean and nasty to you, and I'm going to thoroughly enjoy every single moment of it.'

I'm glad that they don't judge each other.  The world needs more people like that.  Besides, they look better with red eyes.

Good for Emily!  Jacob-in-the-books was generally a sweet kid, but this Jacob is a jerk.

I laughed and laughed picturing Garrett and Paul in a buggy.  At least Garrett was wearing a suit, not shorts, but even so, it wasn't exactly period fashion.

Oh, ew!!!  I agree with Bella-there's no telling what diseases Carlisle, Charlotte, Alice, and Buckley have.  I'd throw the mattress away, though.  Ugh, ugh, ugh!  The thought of anyone using that mattress for anything after Carlisle, Charlotte, Alice, and Buckley used it, turns my stomach.  Vampires may not get diseases, but I wouldn't take any chances with Carlisle, Charlotte, Alice, and Buckley.  

Poor Jasper.  I'd feel like a dork, too.  

An essay on the Civil War stating how it was a war between Canada and the United States?!  Good grief!  What do they teach them in these schools?!

The arrest and police station scene was hilarious!  I agree with Bella-it's Garrett's fault.  Poor Charlie!  (I'm still irritated that he and Sue were so unreasonable, but I do feel sorry for him.)  I tell you, my mother doesn't realize how lucky she is.  (I was, and still am, ridiculously well-behaved.  It is partly because I was trained to be well-behaved, so my mother is partly correct, but it's mostly because that's the kind of person I am.)

Oh no!!  Whoever wasn't pregnant before will be now.  The census people are going to be scratching their heads.

So Carlisle is attempting an economic takeover of the vampiric world? How could that even work when the Volturi would just dust him and most vamps can go decades without possessions, let alone assets of note? Loved the arrest scene--Bella's going to get one hell of a scolding from Daddy, I think. And if Jasper keeps projecting, Hillbrook is going to become one of those paranormal places for lovers who want kids. Or just a place to go for some serious smexin' LOL!

I am so tired and I have not reviewed, because of it. This story is a nice flip on the Cullens.  I can not stop reading.

I hope you will update often.

great chapter! Loved the B/J bonding time!! Excited to see the next one :)

Ok, I want to kill Carlisle. I want to see how they rescue Esme--will she get a piece of the lying jerk?

ok i loved this chapter why do i have a feeling that seth, charlie, and sue are going to wind up moving to be close to bella and the rest and i would love to see charlie and sue become vampires so they will live forever with there children and i would love to see seth imprint on a vampire that would be so cool i just had another thought what if half of the pack leaves and joins leah and pauls pack oh what if a vampire comes through forks and seth imprints on her that would be cool to thoughs are just some of my thoughts i cant wait to see if i am right so please let me know and update soon i just thought of something else please tell me that what ever they find in texas will help get esme from the cullens who knows maybe seth and esme would be a good match there is just so many options that could happen i need to stop my self and just wait to find out if this is the way you are going to go with the story so i hope to hear from you soon

amazing chapter!!! Can't wait to see more :) Can't believe how horrible Carlisle is! wow!

Great chapter!!! Can't wait to see the next one! :) Love that Emmett and Rose are there!!! :)

I Just started reading your story this week and I can't seem to stop it is so funny I am glad to see Jasper is a man again and is together with Victoria she will keep him in the short and narrow but will let him be him self not like the pixi and I love her mate's surname.  It's perfect fit for the one mated to Alice and where that she gets off at saying that their ex-husbands will ruin the reputations of the Cullens they are doing that all by them self.  Jasper & Peter are great and they have great mates's in Bella & Victoria.   I can't belive that Jasper projected through an entire town for six and a half days I feel sorry for all the unplaned pregnancy in that town.

I am glad that Peter propose to Bella the way he did it was nice and simple the way Bella likes things done she is a simple girl at heart.  Your story is great, hilarious and wonderful all roll into one and you keep me glued to it all the time please update soon

I'm so glad Jasper is a man again.  I thought he probably would become a man again, but I was still a bit worried.

I'm not sure if I like the Jasper/Victoria pairing (I really don't like Jasper paired with anyone but Bella-though occasionally I'll read a Jasper/Bella/Edward pairing-), but I don't think it will lessen  my enjoyment of the story any.

I'm so glad I don't live with Victoria, Riley, and Bree--Victoria's job would drive me crazy.  I think it's a good idea for her, but it's not something I could stand to be around.  Speaking of Victoria's job, I wonder if Jasper is going to be comfortable with it.  I know it's acting, and that acting isn't real, but if I had a mate, I don't think I would be comfortable if my mate had that kind of job.  I hope that he is comfortable with it, or, if he isn't, they have no problems finding a solution they're both happy with.

I loved Garrett's use of 'doxy' and 'strumpet'.  I read the chapter, and then later realized that I hadn't batted an eyelash over them.  I guess I've read more historical fiction than I thought.

I love Alice's mate's surname!  It's a perfect fit for someone mated to Alice.

Alice gets called a pixie so much, that 'elf' is a nice change.  

Alice is absolutely right--it would ruin her, Charlotte's, and the Cullens' reputations if her and Charlotte's ex-husbands were good people.

Poor Sue.  Her reaction was quite entertaining, though.  Is she going to knit sweaters for Jane and Felix?

Jasper projected through the entire town?!  And six and a half days?! Oh my goodness.  I would say that he needs to work on not projecting lust, but I suppose he was a bit preoccupied.  

I agree with Charlie that guys like that are generally irredeemable.  The best thing to do is to make them lunch, instead of leaving them alive to potentially wreak more havoc, and take up space and money.

'Excuse me.' Jasper growled.

'Oak trees in the back about three miles.  They need firewood!' Garrett yelled.

I laughed so hard over that!  Every time I think of it, I start laughing all over again.

I send congratulations to Peter and Bella.  I'm glad he didn't do some sort of icky, romantic proposal.  Those proposals usually turn my stomach, and I don't think they're really Bella's cup of tea, either.

The story is wonderful, and hilarious, and I want more.  If you were to make it the story that never ends, and post about five chapters a day, I wouldn't object.  Unfortunately, I have a feeling that's not realistic. 

want more now please

OMG  This story is just too funny.   Aro's gonna have a fit with all his vamps imprinting on outsiders.

Carlisle is in for a rough surprise.  

Hooray! I am going to absolutely love this! Not that I don't already, that is. Once the Cullens are sitting bewildered in the smoking rubble of their delusions, can we go prank the Volturi? Please? Maybe the Romanians? They could use a good laugh. Muwahahaha.

So glad you brought jasper in...any idea whats up with fanfic?

great chapter!!! Can't wait to see the next one :)

great chapter!!! So excited to see more :) I can't wait to see the fight between Char and Vicky! :)

I LOVE BELLA AND PETER TOGETHER, GREAT STORY SO FAR, PLEASE PLEASE CONTINUE THIS STORY.........

PAT

Great, just great. As if I don't spend enough time neglecting real life while waiting for an update on 'Roll with It", now you have another one out. Utterly distinct and as usual, hilarious and captivating. Peter's wonderful, but I may start fantasizing over Brewmaster--I love a sarcastic Know-it-all. (Alice doesn't qualify) I've already read this three times and laughed every time. Maybe something is wrong with me?

I absolutely freakin' loved this! I can't hardly wait for the next chapter.

Great start!!!! Loving this Can't wait to see the next one :)

awesome first chapy.. i love peter/bella stories.. hope for an update soon