Membership status: Member
Bio:
Olivia Spade thought she'd lost the love of her life at 16, but ten years later Sebastian Grady returns. Everything is different, he is different, and nothing will be the same. Can they accept that the hands of fate have tied them together again? Can Olivia get past her fears that he will leave her like he did then? What happens when other factors enter their lives bent on tearing them apart?
Fate is strong, but is it strong enough?
Categories: Erotica, Original Fiction
Characters: None
Genre: Erotica, Romance
Language: English
TWCS Romance Contest: None
Series: J's Read and Loved Stories
Chapters: 8 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 25802 Read Count: 9800
Date: 28 Aug 2012 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7 - Someone Like Me
Interesting turn of events!
I recommend re-reading before posting, to make sure everything makes sense -- for example, she picks up her ale and downs the rest, and then a moment later she, again, throws back the rest of her ale.
My one qualm about Bastian's marriage is: I'm having trouble suspending my disbelief that he would stay with and marry a girl who he wanted to be, but could never actually be, Olivia -- instead of just finding the real thing, who he always suspected was in or near the same place—less than 400 miles from where he lived. Food for thought?
Date: 24 Jul 2012 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - First Love's Phantom
I'm into it.
Am repeating from a review below, but I really like your attention to individual character personalities, and I'd like to see even more of that. I want to care about these people, and with yours, I really do. You've made an excellent start.
Loved the playful flirtiness of the reunion bar scene. So chaste, so snuggly, SO HOT. More please.
When two friends realized that they are soulmates but one of them is married. Do you risk it all to be with the true keeper of your heart?
Categories: Original Fiction
Characters: None
Genre: Romance
Language: English
TWCS Romance Contest: None
Series: None
Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 21097 Read Count: 316
Date: 24 Jul 2012 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Like Judge SpankMe, I agree that the back-and-forth perspectives can be jarring, and the experience of events through both characters can be redundant. I'm not really feeling distinct personalities coming through, so their dialogue sounds a bit stilted and forced. I'd like to have a more solid picture of who each of them is. That's likely to make the reader more invested in finding out about them.
However, there's potential here -- it's easy to enjoy a lifelong friendship turning into romance.
Author's Response:
This is my first go at a double Point of View in a story but I really wanted to show both of their sides. There is two sides to very couples so I wanted to show that and honestly what happens to each of them is still diffferent in their own eyes. No two people see things exactly the same. In every story you learn more and more about characters as time goes on, you do not meet someone and know their life story in a few days so I will be showing more and more of them as it progresses.
When Levi Daniels comes to speak to Ember Collins' roommate about a case. Sparks fly instantly and they waste no time getting to know each other. Levi is looking for more than a sub and Ember seems to be exactly what he wants. She is new to being submissive and wants to learn as much as she can from the sexy older Dom.
When feelings start to emerge can they hold it together? Will Levi be able to balance his love for Ember with the Dom that she needs? Can Ember understand that love and submission can go hand in hand? What happens when another Dom shows an interest in the couple?
Follow these two through their adventures and see where they will take it. How long will it take for them to learn that Love is the Master?
Categories: Original Fiction
Characters: None
Genre: Erotica, Romance
Language: English
TWCS Romance Contest: Dominance and submission
Series: Misstoria's Stories to Read
Chapters: 23 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 101977 Read Count: 24754
Date: 24 Jul 2012 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1; Nice to Meet You!
I like the strong connection between Levi and Ember, but I agree, I think the pacing can be slowed down a lot.
There's a lot of telling going on, rather than showing. For example, Levi tells us "Ember was so funny," but we don't get to experience Ember's humor with him. We kinda just have to take his word for it. He also says she made him feel relaxed and like he could be himself, but so far we don't really know who that is.
I'd like to see more character development, so the reader can care about and invest in them, individually. I'd also like to see more description of feeling and emotion, rather than the physical acts.
Author's Response:
Thank you for reviewing. This is only my second story and the first non-fanfiction. I am working on developing the characters and making the necessary changes to my upcoming chapters.