Yummy description of their middle-of-the-night coupling.

Smart girl:  ‘I was also of the impression that he loved me but I was not so foolish to think that my future was set. To the best of my knowledge many men were fickle creatures and as long as Edvard had not asked me to marry him I could not rest easy.’

She fully appreciates that life with Edvard ‘was beyond anything I had dared to dream for myself. Safety from harm was all I had hoped for …’

‘I gazed lovingly at the man beside me who was resting peacefully, naked and beautiful, and the sight made me smile.’

Me, too!

A lovely moment in the morning:  

‘"You are here," he simply uttered before tightening his arms around me and burying his face in my hair. "My beauty."

"I am," I whispered and rubbed my cheek against his chest.’ 

Wonderful, when Ester and Ro-se bring her new clothing:

‘"If he was not completely inept with a needle and thread I would ask Edvard to mend this himself for this looks to be the handiwork of my impatient son," she said.’

Uh-oh, Bella takes this to mean this is something he has done regularly, with many other women.  She could be right.

But this is sweet, from Ester:  "I shall happily mend any dresses that require[s] it to see my son smiling as he did just now."

Bella is understandably rattled when Edvard gives Jutta as a gift to Miki.  ‘Jutta would now be taken away from all she knew here simply because she had caught the eye of a visiting Viking.’  

I was impressed by Edvard’s insistence on how Jutta was to be treated.  I suppose it would have been unthinkable to ask Jutta what she wanted. 

A jolting reality check:  ‘I suppose I had somehow deluded myself into believing that we were like a large family when in reality we were slaves whose fate was controlled entirely by one man…’

I remain amazed at the things Bella has the nerve to ask directly, including why he never considered Jutta as a permanent bed thrall.  Interesting that his answer boiled down to “The gods wanted it that way, I suppose.”

True!  ‘After all, if Edvard had not taken a special liking to me I might have been the one who was being given away as a gift.’

She’s smart, too, that as delighted as she was to be called “my sister” by Ro-se, 

‘I did not want to tell him of Ro-se's assumption if it was not accurate. I did not want to seem presumptuous and I knew that simply being Edvard's woman was a great privilege…’

Good girl!

‘"I shall enjoy coaxing [your secrets] out of you, sweet Bella," he murmured. "I have many ways to persuade you." …

"I…I look forward to it," I whispered boldly, feeling my cheeks flame.’

But she could not possibly have expected him to start at the table in public!  

There’s that “heathen magic” again!

‘I found that my absolute mortification and dread that Edvard's ministrations might be discovered was mixing with desire and my mind clouded.’

When she admits that part of the reason she would not deny him is that she cares for him,

‘Where his eyes before held mirth and lust, they were now filled with warmth and tenderness. He smiled at me.

"My beauty," he said softly. "You may keep the rest of your secrets. That was all I truly desired to know."’

Wow!

Geez, then Edvard all but pisses on her leg over Jacob.  He even wants to know what she’d do if he denied her Jacob’s friendship.  Not his best moment.

Hmm, Edvard’s icy calm manner in denying Tonna and Einarr’s wish that he marry their sister is very effective.  Tonna sure does not like being told no!  And yikes, Edvard’s response is entirely misogynistic toward Tonna. 

It really is shocking how calmly they discuss the practicality of marrying Kata for the alliance and keeping Bella on the side.  And then how young Kata is - even Bella is shocked at that.

What a clash this turns into, neither side giving in.  When they’re alone and Edvard still does not calm down, this is a huge peacemaking concession from Bella:  

"I will still be yours," I whispered. "Even if you marry her."

But he doesn’t want to hear it.  “You are mine and I am yours. Is that clear?"

Those have got to be incredibly welcome words to Bella.

That was not even “makeup sex”, it seemed like pure “mine” sex.  ‘For the first time he seemed to focus solely on himself.’  At least she managed not to be frightened, and not to resist him.

She’s learning a lot about Edvard, or maybe about men:  ‘I understood that this was not the time for affection. His immediate need seemed too strong for something like that. …Surprisingly, I found that I did not mind being taken like this; so roughly and wildly and solely for his pleasure. I was his and he needed me.’

Nice:  ‘"I promised you joy each time we lay together and I shall honor it."

I remembered the vow of which he spoke and it made me smile that he did too.’

Yeah, he ‘honors it’ all right!  Whew!

An interesting situation:   "Einarr has a family of his own and desires peace. It is easy for Tonna to speak of war since she has no children.”

A good echo of canon:  "I have waited so long for you and I will not let you go now that I have you."

A scary moment at the pond when she thinks someone is watching her from the tree line.  ‘…they would know that I was alone here. Unprotected.

As I will be when Edvard leaves for his journey.’

When Edvard returns, she sees that despite his reassuring words, he too believes someone was there.  

A lovely concluding paragraph, showing Bella’s confidence in their growing relationship.

I forgot how fast this story moves!  Two chapters ago Bella’s main problem was having to send Edvard away if he wanted a booty call.  Now she’s not only been kidnapped along with other village women, but there’s this unholy alliance of Tonna and Jamarr!

For hardly knowing any of these people, Bella does a good job scoping out who’s who.  So this must be Einarr’s village she’s been taken to.  

This is so tough, but she manages:

‘Never before had I felt such a surge of rage in my blood, and I clenched my fists, forcing myself to stand still before [Jamarr] and not foolishly launch myself at him to scratch his eyes out.’

Her family would be proud.

OMG, Jamarr had wanted Ro-se too!  

Interesting twist, that the men did not bargain for abducting the betrothed of the chieftain!  Thank goodness Laugi stood his ground and argued for his own strategy.  “We will vote on it.”  Not part of Jamarr’s plan!  A good sign:  ‘…all them seemingly unafraid of ridiculing their so-called chieftain.’

Hmm, if Bella had not managed to get free of Jamarr in that moment, who knows how differently this might all have gone?  

A welcome moment of levity:  “This one here is likely to bite your kokkr off, in any event. Let Edvard Karlsson worry about losing his manhood.”

Oh geez, Tonna married Jamarr??  I’m guessing she really wanted no part of HIS kokkr. 

Jutta provides some valuable perspective, having seen the takeover of Einarr’s house.  How scary that Miki has been “injured”.  I can imagine him standing up for his master.  

So Tonna has made a heroic choice:  “…Jamarr betrayed her. He made her choose who was to marry him, her or her younger sister. Tonna chose herself. She would not subject her sister to his violent ways.”

Aggravating but entirely believable:  Einarr’s remaining men were not loyal to Tonna.  

“No man will follow the leadership of a woman, Bella. They like that she has been subdued. They have no honor.”

I bet they are happy to see her “put in her place”.

Hmm, so Jutta is skeptical that Edvard will fight the outlaws:

“They have taken mostly thralls and will ransom you and the few other free women.”

So that thing about having to compensate the owner for a thrall doesn’t apply when they’re kidnapped?  

I hope Bella’s right:  ‘I knew his heart. He would not abandon anyone – free or thrall – to the cruelty of Jamarr’s leadership.’

Yikes:  ‘The men here were nothing but animals, every bit the savages I had believed Vikings to be before coming to Edvard’s village.’

And now Bella understands that to protect her pregnancy she has to escape as soon as possible.  That won’t be easy.

The description of Tonna’s state after being alone with Jamarr was chilling.  It must have been extreme to draw this reaction from Bella:

‘She had tried to separate me from Edvard, called me a foreign whore, and even formed an alliance with Jamarr to obtain power for herself, but all I could feel was pity when I looked upon her now, the husk of a woman she had become under the foot of a cruel and violent husband. I knew her life. I had lived it myself.’

Jamarr seems to enjoy telling Bella what Tonna’s role was in his rise to power.  Quite a moment:  

“She deserves this, does she not?” he asked me, his eyes glinting with madness, “for betraying her own family.”

… “No one deserves this. No one.”

I bet:  ‘…having to witness the cruelty of Jamarr and the rest of the men and being unable to stop them was soul-shattering…’

Makes sense that some of the other outlaws who have been called to join Jamarr, would rather have a fresh start in a new land than an ongoing feud with the other chieftains.

Tonna’s desperation seems understandable.  She must believe that it would matter to the other men if it was known how cruel Jamarr was to her?  After all she is a free woman, from a prominent family.  

Good perspective, compared to what we think of as freedom:

“You are a free woman,” I said.

“I am free to marry and free to bear children, nothing more.”

I’ll take my life, thank you very much!

Definitely an unexpected twist, that Tonna agrees to help Bella get away.  Then she fights like a tiger – a skilled tiger.  Wow, what an action scene!  And who knew having had to sacrifice the goat would come in so handy.  A shallow cut would have been useless.

Yeah, Annie and Aretha are the perfect soundtrack for this moment.  But Tonna and Bella are definitely not out of the woods yet.  “Eeek” is somewhat of an understatement!

Poor baby:  ‘I was finally able to force this chapter out, one excruciating word after another.’  I hope you realize how much we appreciate the effort!  And for the record, the chapter doesn’t show any signs of being dragged through a knot-hole (maybe I should find a less folksy idiom?).

I was intrigued by all the strategy the men have to deal with.  I’m sure the bit about capturing the party looking for Bella before they find out Edvard’s party is around, is a minor one.  Their approach to Einarr’s village – while minimizing casualties - is pretty complicated.  Clearly strength and bravery aren’t enough, they have to be clever too.

That was nerve-wracking when Beni and Bella are waiting – in the dark – while Edvard and his men go after the search party.  

This is an awful thought:    "You would have passed me by had the dogs not sniffed me out.”  It’s hard to imagine how that could have ended well.  

Aww, how sad that Lina didn’t survive the outlaws’ attack on Edvard’s village.  ‘Lina would rather have died than be taken away.’  Understandable.

It was also interesting to watch Edvard’s group put together details from Bella’s and Emundi’s knowledge of the attackers, to come up with the best plan.

That was a good parallel to the Eclipse notion that Edward and Bella should not be separated when circumstances are dangerous.

Good for Bella, asking for her own weapon:  ‘I had killed before, and if I had to, I would again. I would stop at nothing to free the women held by the outlaws.’ 

(Even better later when she demands Jutta get a weapon too.)

Well said:  ‘I had seen too much to remain unaltered, but I believed this to be a good thing. Once I wed Edvard, I would assume a position of at least a little power, and I intended to put it to good use.’

What a relief when Bella comes up with a way to calm the terrified women and children.

There’s something so sexy about this image:  ‘"Are your husbands away with Einarr?" Edvard asked, taking a knee at my side.’

Of course this is not the moment to get distracted by the hotness…

Interesting:  the men ‘were swiftly dealt with, the outlaws killed and the traitors restrained and gagged. Their fate would be decided by Einarr upon his return…’  I guess that’s what Edvard would want in Einarr’s place, to have the final say if any of his men betrayed him.

Brilliant, when Beni has been drawn away and another outlaw is headed for Bella and Jutta:  ‘Edvard charged him so fast, it seemed as though his feet never touched the ground, and he looked every bit an avenging god.’

Wow, this is a pretty damning fate on its own, re Jamarr:

"He is cursed. No one will speak his name again. Ever."

Impressive that Edvard leaves Laugi’s fate in Bella’s hands, since she saw firsthand how he behaved.  She asks Laugi how well he treated Jutta:

"But she is only a thrall."

With those words, he sealed his own fate. …

"Kill him," I simply said. "A man like him does not deserve to live."

Whoa.  And then Jutta gets to choose the method of execution.  

Such a sweet ending when Bella asks Edvard to take her home:

"My beauty," he said, his voice low and soft and meant only for me, "the gods themselves could not stop me."

Oh I’ve been dreading this chapter!  But you couldn’t very well write a historically informed story about stay-at-home Vikings!

Good question, Bella to Arndis:  ‘“What did you say to Beni the first time he left?” I asked.’

Really she’s so lucky to have Arndis to model the appropriate behavior, plus she’s smart enough to learn from Arndis.

So difficult:  ‘Edvard would not experience having to leave a feeble, wailing girl. He would depart knowing that he would return to a strong Norse woman, who would spend their time apart preparing their wedding and learning her role of being a chief’s wife.  Yes. It had to be so.’

Plus, she has a lot to prove to the village, that’s she’s suited to be their chief’s wife.

Fun scene at the kvenna hus, especially once Bella realizes they really are interested in her back story.  But OMG, when she says in Britain women can “give her life to her god”, they think she means being sacrificed!  

I enjoyed that when Bella acknowledged that she was raised with only one god, and a male at that:

“Then it is no wonder our gods brought you here.  …  Here you have Freja to pray to and she has helped you win the affection of our chief.”

Excellent:  “…no man would dare enter this dangerous place.” 

Things have changed so much – their parting conversation:  ‘This was all wrong! We were behaving like strangers, having polite conversation.’  How refreshing that he was the one to break:

“My beauty,” he whispered. “Are you not at all sad to see me go? Do you not feel as I do?”

Interesting that Bella has not been to the harbor since her arrival.  She certainly sees it through new eyes now.  Thankfully she manages to hold it together as the ships leave.

Oh, sad that she can’t even tell Arndis she’s pregnant, since she has been officially re-virginized.  I imagine Ester and Ro-se would want to know too!

It’s a pleasure to watch Bella’s knowledge of the world expand.  Specifically she talks about the Vikings’ industriousness and their personal cleanliness.  (That certainly fits with my Norwegian mother – she wore us out with cleaning and chores!)  And later she learns about their “strange heathen religion”, an oral rather than written tradition.

She also finds that Edvard has many virtues besides being handsome and wielding heathen magic.  I like these specifics:  ‘We ate as well as the family, the children were allowed to play and did not have many chores and never once did I witness violence.’  How many enslaved people throughout history had that much?

What a great moment:  ‘I was sitting on the edge of the bed, combing out my hair while lost in my own thoughts when I had the distinct feeling of being watched. I looked up and nearly dropped my comb when my sleepy eyes met the burning dark gaze which was Edvard's. On some level I knew that he had still wanted me even after I rejected him, but up until that moment I had felt assured that he had moved on, since he still took Jutta to his bed every once in a while.’  

And ‘even though it was no concern of mine, it still pleased me to know that they did not share affection.’  

Smile, after her erotic dreams ‘I always found it extremely difficult to take my eyes off him the following day and if he caught me looking at him I could not hide the blush on my cheeks.’

I’m sure he noticed!

Aww:  ‘But I did miss him, my Viking, and there were some nights when I was so lonesome that I considered running to his bed chamber to beg him to take me back…’

Jacob was kind to think of warning Bella what to expect with the visitors and the feast.  

Once again we run into a limit to Edvard’s power:  "It would be considered an insult if Edvard forbade them to touch his thralls during and after a feast. Not many Vikings treat their serfs as well as Edvard does, and they certainly do not care about consent from female slaves."

Oh geez:  "If you do not struggle they will not harm you," [Jacob] said... "And if you drink plenty of mead it will make you drowsy and not care so much."

Interesting that she thinks about “submitting” to her husband in much the same way.

Surprising – the Vikings treated one another the same as their offshore targets:  ‘Without the alliances we would every day face the risk of being attacked by other Vikings, and if they were victorious we thralls would be snatched up and brought back with the victors…’  I can imagine the “alliances” being carefully maintained from one generation to the next.

Her bafflement made me smile:  ‘I gaped at him. Was Edvard giving me a bath? What would ever possess him to do such a thing?’

Funny that he’s inept at washing her hair.  I suppose his wife always had servants to do it.  He certainly has figured out the pleasure of the bathing part!

Such a vivid image:  ‘The only sounds in the room were the crackling of the fire and our breathing. Mine; shallow and fast with nerves and Edvard's; deep and slightly ragged.’

A particularly well-done exchange, as he instructs her on what he expects at and after the feast:

‘"You will spend the whole night with me!" he growled.

My eyes snapped open in shock and I sat up straight. I was saved! I would not be violated by the strangers!

"Do not fight me on this, woman," Edvard warned, as he mistook my reaction to the news.’

And when he abruptly walks away, ‘I sat in the cooling water with the very distinct feeling that I had somehow displeased Edvard, but I could not for the life of me figure out how.’

I agree – he confuses me too!

The plot thickens:

‘I had thought it enough to merely dwell in Edvard's house to remain unharmed... I needed to be Edvard's woman to feel completely safe and this was what he wanted.

I want it too.’

Considering that she walked away from him mere days after arriving, this must certainly be true:  ‘I now had a slightly better understanding of the ways of this world and I confess that the more I learned, the more I realized how good and noble Edvard was.’

A sweet and hopeful moment, while he’s at the table drinking with his guests:

‘He must have sensed my eyes on him because he suddenly looked straight at me and I found myself lost in his mossy green gaze for a moment or two. Heat rose to my cheeks and my lips curved up in a smile. He regarded me with what seemed like caution at first but then his eyes warmed and he returned the smile that I had given him.’

Great wording:  ‘He was still in there, my Viking.’

I like her resolve:  ‘It would not be an easy feat to let go of my apprehension and fear of being hurt once more, but for my Viking I would try.’

Good for her:  ‘If I was to have even the slightest chance of becoming his wife I needed behave like a grown woman he would want by his side all the time and not merely use for pleasure.’

I wish she could say this to him out loud, although at the moment it’s progress that she even admits it to herself:

‘Be my Viking once more, Edvard, and I will gladly be your woman. Show me kindness, open your heart to me. Share your thoughts, please, and I will tie myself to you and never leave your side again.’

I laughed at your author’s note that ‘We might just get a lemon if these two don't screw things up again.’  So it’s up to them rather than you, is it?  I believe you!

Oh, SheViking, it’s so much fun to revisit this story from the beginning!

Your description of Bella’s captors was so interesting.  My favorites were ‘no better than animals walking on hind legs’ and ‘wild eyes that burned with the fires of hell’.  

Her thought processes between her capture and landing at the village were well imagined too.  It would be so terrifying not to be able to even understand their speech.

That lineup after landing is just one of the horrors of slavery that humans have inflicted on each other in so many places and times.  At least she was reasonably well treated up to that point.  I can understand why she wished ‘Murder me, vile creature!’

A good detail:  ‘I did hear both the laughter of children and dogs barking and I tried to hang on to those familiar sounds…’

Both surprising and strangely reassuring:  ‘Then I was most startled when a young fair-haired beauty came rushing in and jumped straight into the large man's arms with no fear.’  Whoa, Bella definitely has her own cultural blinders:  ‘could such heathens be capable of love?’

Clearly Es-ter has experience with captives, wasting no time arguing with Bella over her clothing or her bath.  There’s also comic relief that Bella’s not the only one repelled:  ‘She regarded my filthy dress with obvious disgust and threw it aside.’

Bella doesn’t seem to waste energy hoping to be rescued:  ‘The women back home who were taken by Vikings were never heard from again and I knew that I would not see my parents or my sisters…’ until after death.

An interesting question:

“You are a rare dark beauty," he said pensively. "And yet your skin is the color of fresh milk. Tell me, are you ill?"

This made me smile - she pushes back:

‘”Are you untouched?"

I did not want to answer his rude inquiry and remained silent.’

Edvard’s patience is limited as well:  ‘"You will not deny me what is rightfully mine," he threatened in a low voice.’

Truly good news:  ‘I will not be shared with others? Thank you, Lord!’

Something I wouldn’t even have thought of:  Edvard is glad her husband has been dead for half a year.  "Then you are not with his child and I will welcome any children that you will birth."

Patriarchy is everywhere!  (rolls eyes)

Another thing I wouldn’t have thought of, Bella’s rights to her children:  "But what will happen to them?" I asked anxiously. "Will they be taken from me? Will they be mine?"  A little disturbing that Edvard says “they will be free because that is my will”.  Apparently the quality of their lives is entirely up to him.

Emundi and Ro-se ‘"have a great deal of affection for one another," he added wistfully.

Was he truly hoping for the same with me? I could not imagine it. Marriage was not something that I associated with mutual affection but rather the continuation of the family line and as a source of business.’

No doubt often true in his world as well.

Oh, good for her!  ‘"Why are you not married?" I asked boldly.’  His explanation of the liberal divorce rules was astonishing compared to the Catholic rules I grew up with!

Smile, very canon:  ‘"You have many questions," he observed.’

She was even brave enough to call him on having stolen her from her life.  He says “I feel no remorse."  I guess he wouldn’t if he were simply doing what he had seen all around him all his life.

Unlike her husband:  "I will not harm you, Bella. I gain no pleasure from witnessing your tears. Why are you so afraid?”  Boy, if he hadn’t had at least rudimentary English, they could not have had this conversation and he would not have understood the reason for her fear.  Wonderful:  “Thor's hammer, woman! Why would I strike you?"

Nor surprising that she asks “why do you care”, and I liked his answer:  “I prefer a warm and willing woman in my arms. I want you to smile when you see me and embrace me eagerly when we are alone."

There’s a lot of this:  ‘I did not understand the feeling but it was certainly not unpleasant.’  Her husband must have been totally indifferent/incompetent.

Good description:  she ‘chased a feeling that I did not fully comprehend.  I only knew that with each stroke of my Viking's fingers, my body wanted more and more…’

This made me laugh out loud:  ‘…everything in my upbringing told me that Vikings were wild and dangerous creatures who used human skulls for drinking mugs and were covered in filth. But Edvard was clean and so far I had only seen ordinary cups and mugs.’

Nice:  ‘His enjoyment in taking me should not be any concern of mine, and yet I found that I wanted to bring him pleasure just as he had bestowed it on me.’

Funny how it works that way!

Giggle:  ‘his heathen magic of kisses and touches.’

Unexpectedly sweet:  ‘He moved down my body and rested his head on my chest, his arms now around my middle. I weaved my fingers through his long hair and drew a deep breath.’

Poor baby:  ‘I felt so lost all of a sudden and my tears finally spilled over into sobs that I could not hide from Edvard.’  At least he has the kindness to hold her and let her cry.  Again, these folks have plenty of experience with captives.

Poor baby again:  “Do not leave me out there. Let me sleep here on your floor…”

Aww:  ‘I could not make heads or tails of my thoughts anymore. Too much had happened too fast and I started weeping again while I tried to explain myself in between sobs.’

Thank you!  ‘Bella's fear of being passed around to all the men is probably much more of an accurate depiction of the life of a slave girl, but I am neither interested in reading nor writing something like that.’  Thanks also for your research!

I have to admit that just having seen the new Dior Homme commercial, I have a particularly vivid image of this first scene, especially once it gets steamy!

Whew, poor girl, and he reacts so perfectly:  

‘Had I been of sound mind I felt certain that I would not have reacted so fiercely but as it were, my only thought was getting him off me. …

His weight was gone instantly…’

Wonderful:  ‘…he must be a great practitioner of their lustful heathen magic.’

And ‘He has the gift of words!’  Totally unexpected in a “savage”.

But there really is a conundrum:

‘When he gazed upon me with such adoration it was difficult to believe that he contained any coldness or that I could ever be frightened of him, but I knew that side was also in him and I would most likely witness it again when we returned to the village where he was master.’

I imagine if Bella had ever gotten close to the nobility in her own land, she might have found the same paradox.

This train of thought makes sense:

‘Why is he doing this? To humble me? To demonstrate his power over me? Is this a punishment?

But as soon as he began licking me those foolish thoughts vanished instantly.’

Smile:  "You do not truly wish for me to stop, do you, Bella?"

And yet this is true, when it’s done:  ‘… trying to catch my breath and filled with equal parts wonder and shame.’

I love your Bella:  ‘I knew that it was indecent to speak of such things but I had always been overly inquisitive and seemed to crave knowledge.’

I love this too:  “…the innocence in your statement only makes you more appealing to a wild savage such as myself."

And he finally gets the smile he has been hoping for!  (Well duh, he sure did earn it!)

Regarding Ro-se:

‘"She was a gift?" I asked.

I did not enjoy the thought of women being treated as objects that could be passed around and frowned.’

I wholeheartedly agree!  And yet our disapproval does nothing to change the world she finds herself in.

Aww:  ‘He reached for my gown and draped it over me before he spoke again. The small gesture to keep me warm pleased me beyond words. When Edvard did something so caring without even realizing it, I was convinced of the goodness of his heart.’

Interesting:  “I need a strong and able woman, as well as a beautiful one.”  And surprising, although no more surprising than it would be in Bella’s homeland:

"I also enjoy speaking with you and I hold your curious mind in high regard.”

Creepy, re the man in the village who beat his thrall:

"I am afraid he is most attached," Edvard said. "But he does not show it the way I and other men do by treating our women with kindness.”

And later when they encounter him:  ‘There was something unmistakably sinister about him, much as there had been in my late husband and I found myself wondering if all cruel men were somehow related.’

Boy would this be tough:

"If you witness something you must not meddle, do you understand?" he added after a while. "If you do I will be forced to punish you and I do not wish for it to ever come to that."

I liked that she’s honest with him about wanting to see his “manhood”.  

Sweet:

‘"You are a source of constant joy and wonder," he said and pulled me out into the deeper water.

"As are you," I whispered truthfully.’

A well-described transition:

‘We walked hand in hand until the village once again came into view and a look of regret came upon Edvard's face. Slowly, he released my hand and as I placed myself behind him with my head down I could sense a change in the way he carried himself. He walked purposely among his people, ignoring me the entire time as I struggled to keep up.’

I was as horrified as Bella by what Edvard said about her to the curious wife-beater.  

‘Tears stung in my eyes and I looked down on the ground, praying that it would swallow me whole. How could my Viking say such a thing?’

Sigh.  What a sad end to what was mostly a charming chapter.  Good job conveying Bella’s disappointment and confusion.  He had done so much to build her trust, and then *pouf*.

I’m enjoying her regard for Emundi:  ‘I found it beyond difficult to think anything negative about him even though he was the one who had brought me here.’  It no doubt makes it easier for her to be among these strange people, when she likes one of the key men.

So let me get this straight, Bella has to sit attendance on Edvard while he’s eating, just in case he wants something, and doesn’t get to eat until he’s finished?  Grrr.  But not that different from my parents’ household, where mom never really settled into her dinner until dad left the table.

(Actually, we ALL enjoyed ourselves more after dad left the table.)

When she doesn’t take a big portion for herself, and he asks if she’s OK.  ‘It was not my body that was weary but rather my soul. I wished that I could be perfectly truthful with him and tell him exactly how I felt, but I did not want him to know how badly he had wounded me and how much power he wielded over me.’

Not only that, he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t want to hear about her weary soul.  

No doubt!  ‘… it was also my impression of most men that they were not prone to dwell on emotions, and perhaps he thought that I would forget our altercation.’  

More like, felt entitled to demand that she forget it!

Ooh, creepy:  ‘…I made the mistake of raising my eyes to the room. I startled when I realized that almost every man in the room had his eyes fixed on me.’  That would not make her feel safe at all.

This seems to be a cultural difference, too:  

"Everyone is looking at me," I said quietly.

"Naturally, my beauty," he said with a smile. "You are a joy to gaze upon and I cannot take my eyes off you myself."

In much Twific we get a ridiculously possessive Edward.  Not that this Edvard would tolerate anyone touching the goods, but he practically enjoys their looking and their envy.

That was a nice moment when he feeds her the pear cooked in honey.  ‘I had never enjoyed a meal so much in my life.’  I suspect if he had just given her the bowl and sent her off to eat it in a corner, it would not have tasted nearly as yummy.

This would have unnerved any woman, but with Bella’s experience…

‘I looked up into icy blue eyes and immediately I felt an all too familiar sense of dread. It was the same feeling I got every time my late husband returned home and I smelled the drink on him. I was in peril.’

What a time for her to find out that sometimes Edvard will be travelling for a while, leaving her to cope with others who might want her.  

And what a nasty prospect:

“Perhaps he will return from his journey with a new bed thrall for himself and you will be passed on."

Sad but true, they’re so new to each other:  ‘I did not know anything about Edvard's character or how loyal he was towards his woman.’

A fun light moment when Emundi drags Bella onto the dance floor.  And an abrupt (and potentially hot) end to the dance:

Emundi ‘swung me around one last time when the music came to an end but before he could put my feet on the ground, Edvard appeared out of nowhere and threw me over his shoulder. He walked hastily towards his bedchamber and behind us I heard laughing and cheering as he carried me off.’

Aww…  ‘…thankfully he still handled me with care and there was no pain to be found. But there was not much in the way of pleasure either. My mind was too occupied with dismal thoughts and my heart to[o] heavy with hurt to enjoy what he did to me.’

Oh, sad:  ‘He genuinely seemed to care and it broke me because I realized that I truly did want him to. .... I wanted to be his adored and cherished woman, but I knew that I was no such thing to him.’

Well, at least he stayed in the room with her while she sobbed her heart out.  He could so easily have run off.  But then, though he doesn’t display a temper tantrum, he is quite cold to her.

Uh oh:  "You have said quite enough, Bella.”

I was a little surprised that she begged him to let her stay in the household, but what other alternative did she have?  

This could have gone worse too:  "Go to bed, Bella," he said. "It is not your place any longer but I will not have you humiliate me in front of my men by going out there to sleep tonight.”  His fear of his own humiliation spares her a worse fate, but he doesn’t even seem to think of that.

Quite a moment when she wants to say “one more thing” and he shuts her up.  At least he took out his temper by throwing some innocent object against the wall rather than Bella.

‘All I knew was that I was no longer Edvard's bed thrall and my life was only going to get harder now that I was not in his favor.’  Certainly true.  And she doesn’t seem to have realized yet how painful it will be to see him with a new bed thrall.

Her character is remarkably consistent, that even at this dire turn of events, she is grateful that she will not be tempted to “sin” again.  

Is this really true?  ‘I would have to remind myself that at least I was not being beaten and abused as I undoubtedly would have been by another Viking.’  Of course slaves and serfs the world over had/have precious few (if any) rights, but is Edvard that much of an exception?

Sniffle:  "Farewell, my Viking.”

So NOW what???

Hmm, I wonder if Edvard was showing off a little, or at least taking some pride, by speaking to Bella in his language in front of his guests.  This is reassuring too:  He spoke to her slowly because ‘He did not want me to appear incompetent in front of his guests…’

Wow that would be a shock that one of the presumed warriors turns out to be female!  I hope you will comment in your notes on whether this really happened.

I guess she has to get used to this:  ‘He began stroking my side again and I stood awkwardly by as they continued to speak of me, almost as though I was not there.’  At least he doesn’t repeat the sort of crude comments he exchanged with Jamarr.

Interesting, her observation of the sense of community among the visiting thralls and Edvard’s.  Yes, who would your friends be except people who shared a life similar to yours.

Aww, so sweet:  ‘He looked so handsome in his new tunic which matched the exact color of his eyes. I was the one who had made it for him and this was the first night he had ever worn it.’

Wow, she’s solving some of the mystery:  

‘I had spent enough nights around the fire watching Edvard interact with both his family and the other thralls to know that he was at heart a good and kind man. The powerful chief in front of me was not the genuine Edvard but rather one he had to portray in front of his guests and I would help him keep up his deception this night because it mattered to him.’

Wise choice, for a wise reason.

An interesting puzzle:  ‘Each time he would stroke my hair or touch my hand affectionately I wondered if he did it because he enjoyed it or because he knew that we were under observation [from his guests].’

Lovely that he chooses to comfort her about her sadness from missing her sisters, rather than lecturing her about her life being here now.

This was a fun exchange with Emundi:

“Will you bring my brother enjoyment this night?"

…I blushed furiously at the implication but nodded just the same since Emundi was my master as well and I would not offend him by not answering his query.

"Freja be praised!" he grinned. "Then you make me happy as well."

Also just a bit startling, as it’s easy to forget Emundi is also Bella’s master.

OK, so what the heck was that conversation with Tonna and her companion?  “I trust that you will value our friendship higher.”  Higher than what, exactly??

This might be dangerously willful for Bella:  ‘I knew that something was the matter which he was not sharing with me. I vowed to make him talk to me once we were alone…’  Make him talk?

Yes, thank goodness for this, as the evening’s carousing ratchets up:  ‘I was happy to see that none of my fellow thralls seemed distressed…’

The strictures from Bella’s homeland seem to be loosening:  ‘I knew that the way into his heart went through his bed…’  This makes sense too:  ‘Perhaps not being surrounded by people who were constantly telling me that my body was sinful had also changed my outlook on the matter.’

She seems to be reconciled to keeping her true religious convictions and practices to herself, as well.

Definitely not good:  ‘Edvard simply took off his tunic and slumped down in his chair in front of the fire, looking as though all the burdens of the world were on his shoulders.’  It’s delightful that Bella takes the initiative to do what she can to soothe him.

Oh!  Edvard’s wife had been the sister of Tonna and Einarr.  That explains some of their familiarity with him.  So he’s being pressured to marry again to strengthen their alliance.  Makes sense, a single man of his rank would be quite a prize.

This would have been such good news before tonight:  

"Why will you not leave me be? Why do you visit my dreams at night? Why are you in my thoughts before I sleep?"

But now:  "Will you continue to vex me when I am married?”  Yikes!

Well finally, Bella gets to say exactly what she’s been feeling.  That’s a relief.  Some excellent dialog:

“Can you not see how you wounded me that day? I have only rejected you because I fear that you will hurt me again if I confess that I want you still and that you are in my thoughts and dreams as well! I desire you and it terrifies me!"

Wow she gets straight to the point:

‘There was but one thing I needed to know before surrendering myself to our mutual desire.

"You will not marry another?"’

This made me chuckle, her use of such a formal word:  ‘I had never done this standing up and gasped in surprise that it was even possible to fornicate in this manner.’

Perfect make-up sex!

Uh, Bella, you might be getting ahead of yourself just a bit:  ‘This is why the good Lord brought me here. To be with Edvard, for both of us to have a happy second marriage and have children with one another.’  

He only said he wouldn’t marry someone else, not that he would marry Bella.

Oh my gosh, starting the chapter with Bella’s nightmare scared me!  I thought maybe we missed something that Jamarr did.

That was a touching detail, that the whole household was still up, but silent, upset over what had happened to Ro-se and Bella.

As much as I hate to think of women being cooped up in their houses in order to be safe, Bella may at least need to be more cautious:  ‘Had I not acted foolishly and left the safety of Edvard's house none of this would have come to pass. … I had always thought myself a clever girl but clearly that was not the case, after all.’

When I think about it, she’s only been out of the house with Edvard or Jacob, and who’s going to cross either of them?

This was affecting too:  "She is in pain," Ester said to Edvard. "Sit her down gently and have Lina fetch a remedy for your Bella."

Your Bella, indeed.

Oh, good for Ester:  "Bella," Ester said, following my gaze. "I do not deny that my son has a strong need for female company, but you are his chosen woman. Behave as such."

Oh dear, Ester’s story:  "I was not a maiden, and for a free woman that is of the utmost importance when entering a marriage," Ester explained. "It was not my choice to lie with the man who took me first, and while all were sympathetic it did not change the fact that my options were limited.”

So fracking unfair, then and not so long ago here!

Ah, that explains the house rules that we heard earlier:  “Still, I do not tolerate such actions in this house and I make sure the thralls and my sons know this."

Sigh, wonderful description of Edvard’s personal care, helping her clean up after the assault.  

Her reactions are not going to be rational for a while:

‘"You…you must not fear me, Bella. I could never…"

"I know," I nodded and blinked back the tears in my eyes.’

Aww:  ‘I slipped off the dresses myself, desperate for Edvard to leave and equally desperate for him to stay.’

What suspense when he asks whether Jamarr actually managed to rape her.  Very well written.

Sniffle:  "My brave woman," Edvard whispered. "You possess such strength in both mind and body."

OMG, and then he gets in the bath with her!  He’s such a stunning blend of tough guy and sweetness.

Can’t even think of the right word – sad? Terrifying?  Hopeless? when she realizes ‘I was property, through and through; a favored pet.’    And ‘Even if I birthed Edvard’s children I would still only be a glorified whore in the eyes of Viking society.’

Edvard wants her not to say these things, but it’s true!

Uh oh, so what does Edvard blame himself for?   

“Gods, what have I done?” I heard him whisper. “Forgive me, my Bella. Forgive me.”

Shudder:  ‘Any free man could force himself upon me and would suffer no consequences so long as he had silver to pay my master for lending me a short while.’

Interesting, when Lina brings her breakfast in the morning:  ‘…I immediately felt guilty for having felt jealous that she had smiled when Edvard spoke to her the night before. She lived for pleasing her master, same as me…’

A wonderful portrayal of Emundi’s devotion to Ro-se.  And his continued kindness to Bella.

Ester hits the nail on the head:  "There is nothing to forgive," Ester said. "Ro-se made the decision to rescue you and while it has cost her dearly I very much doubt she regrets it."

Interesting that the herbal remedies are the province of women.  It gives them some power, anyway.

Ominous when Edvard returns home and is obviously tense about talking to Bella.  ‘All I wanted was to run to him, to embrace him now that we were alone, but his stance told me that I should not.’ 

What a twist, Bella’s change of home and of status!  Not at all surprising that she’s confused about Edvard’s intent.  So because she will now be free, the consequences if Jamarr or anyone else should come after her are drastically different.  I’m not clear why she had to leave Edvard’s house, though.  She couldn’t live in his house as a free woman because … she’s not a relative?  He thinks she’d be safer while he’s gone?  And no longer being his bed thrall – what an exchange.  

And as with Jutta, no one asked her, or even explained it to her till after it was done!  Good intentions, I’m sure, but arrrgghh!   

Bella’s fierce (if unspoken) objection to Einarr’s final suggestion that Edvard marry Kata, made me smile:  ‘No, I shall be a good wife onto Edvard! I and none other!’ 

Aww:  "Do you not see, old friend? I have the best of everything already."

Interesting:  ‘In Edvard's absence I would diligently sacrifice to the goddesses who had already protected me from Jamarr for I remembered well how I had called upon them in my darkest hour…’

That’s true, she was calling on the goddesses when Ro-se turned up to rescue her from Jamarr.  Quite a change from her earlier days in the village, fighting to hold on to the religion of her birth.

I was a little surprised that Edvard asked Miki to speak to Kata for him.  But Miki is of that household and can assure her of Edvard’s intentions, with a little more detail than Einarr might provide.

I love that word, “youngling”.  That’s promising that Miki is already instructing Jutta to call him by his name rather than “master”.  

Grimace, your Bella has more sense than canon Bella about how her affection for Jacob might hurt or shame (or anger) Edvard.  

Jacob seems to really be earning his place in the village by managing Jamarr’s household.  A very grown-up responsibility for him.

Interesting discussion that a peaceful life in a secluded cottage is just not something Edvard can offer.  Of course Bella has just the right answer.

Oh yay, Ro-se is recovered enough to come out for dinner. 

Oh, so Bella was not the only one to be confused by Edvard’s intentions in freeing her.  Apparently he hasn’t clarified things with his family either.  Until tonight, anyway.

Sniffle:  ‘The look upon his face as he received well wishes from all was a thing of wonder; his eyes shone so brightly, and seeing his smile caused my heart to flutter.’

So when Edvard talks about the reward of a warrior’s death, it seems to be a total boys’ club, nothing about being reunited with his female loved ones.  

‘An unmarried daughter of Beni's house did not spend her nights with a man.’  Well, when you put it that way, I guess it makes sense.

Nice:  “Do you not see, my beauty?" he asked. "You are the one who have overpowered me. I am yours to do with what you will."

It really must be a struggle to not waste time and energy mourning their separation to come.  

This chapter is such fun, because Bella gets an entirely new angle on her new life and her homeland.

A nice scene with Bella and Arndis:  ‘I felt immense gratitude for her kindness and vowed to myself that I would find time to make a beautiful dress for her to replace the one she had given me.’

Interesting:  ‘Arndis spoke no cruel or harsh words when giving orders, but was not as friendly with the thralls as Ester and Ro-se had been. Perhaps she needed that distance, having had once been a thrall herself?’

Bella seems to be wise enough to take her cue from Arndis’ behavior.

How strange it would be to live in the same house as Edvard’s son by Arndis!

Wow, a real do-over:  "Bella," Arndis said quietly. "You are, for all intents and purposes, a maiden once more."

It’s fairly shocking, though, that as a “maiden”, her honor, her sexual choices, belong to her brother more than to her. Not that this is unusual, of course, just such a contrast to her status as a thrall.

Well thank goodness Arndis tells her what is expected of her, before she can make a mistake:  ‘Now I knew that it would be my responsibility to keep all of us safe by denying Edvard.’  I like how she reasons through what Edvard’s ultimate motivation would be.

Yeah:  ‘I was now a free woman, and yet I had never felt more as a piece of livestock being auctioned off.’

Nicely said:  ‘My heart pounded furiously and my thoughts flitted about as though they had sprouted wings.’

Geez what a complicated set of transactions!  But it’s heartening that the three parts of the bride price work to her advantage.

This made me smile:  ‘However, we were now betrothed, soon to be married. How could I possibly be expected to return to my bread dough after such a momentous occasion?’

Smart girl.

From Arndis:  ‘“Now he must celebrate with the men. That is our way."

"Then it is my way, as well," I agreed.’

I love your Charlie.  He's so unflappable in the midst of all these excitable mythical creatures.  My favorite line:  ‘"When's the wedding?" Charlie asked, taking another swig of beer.'

Snicker:  ‘It was like a tennis match as so many people turned to the gorgeous woman, then the wolf then back again.'

Good for you for directly addressing the issue that imprinting can't be explained as "improving the bloodlines" if it can happen with a vampire.  Which makes Leah's situation all the sadder.  I sure hope she gets an HEA for a change in this story!

Also, this is so typical of ruling bodies of every kind:  ‘Of the whole council who attended only Uncle Quil was ever a wolf...' 

A good detail:  ‘Carlisle stepped towards the wolf, accidently getting in the path of his gaze, the huge wolf stepped sideways to keep his imprint in view.'  And funny that Jacob doesn't phase back until a particular part of him calms down.

I like that Carlisle steps in to slow down Jake and Tanya, so they both have a moment to think about how this will change their futures.

Thank you for this:  ‘If he was honest, during her human life she could not have been termed a true beauty by anyone but himself...'  It's so boring when plain Bella Swan somehow morphs into a supermodel when she arrives in Forks.

This made me smile:  ‘It was going to be hard enough on her to wake to her new life when she wasn't expecting the change yet, without him behaving like a horn dog.' 

Good use of the wolf pack, blocking the newborn's path toward the town.

Excellent:  ‘Bella took the opportunity of his mouth being open to kiss him fully for the first time, no worries about his sharp teeth now! So much for her being disorientated or not remembering him!'

I enjoyed Emmett being immediately bounced out of the room due to his usual excess of enthusiasm.  Cool too that her shield is selective enough to push away Tanya but not Jake.

‘Bella should have gone on alert at the presence of a strange vampire, never mind a werewolf, Edward was as confused as Jasper when she waved at the tall blonde.'  Me too!

‘"Is that really me?" she asked, moving to touch the glass with one finger.'  Lovely echo of the dream from New Moon.

Another thoughtful detail:  Edward ‘was more and more impressed, and more and more confused. Though actually that could have been Jasper. The civil war veteran had seen thousands of newborn[s] ... and never had he seen anything like Bella's control.'  Over the years they must all have become accustomed to questioning whether a particular emotion actually belonged to them, whenever Jasper was around.

Thank goodness:  ‘Esme had dressed her in her favourite pair of jeans and a plain white T-shirt when she had been changing.'  Alice and her designer dress in canon was just ridiculous.  Good for Bella, demanding another pair of the same jeans if they got damaged hunting.

I liked this moment:  ‘The next second she was stood upright again, a shocked look on her face. "Was that me?" she asked, he looked at her puzzled. "Did I just GROWL?" she asked, and giggled.'

Hilarious:  ‘Edward watched, puzzled at the way she held the beast until he realised that she was holding the cat's spine against her front in order to spare her clothes!'  Amusing that then she really doesn't know what to do with the cougar she captured! 

I particularly liked that she only wanted a few mouthfuls and then turned him over to Edward.  I can't remember anyone ever suggesting a vampire would stop before draining a kill.  (Other than Carlisle or Edward, of course, in order to turn someone.)  Nice:  ‘...being offered food from his mate was too much to resist.'

Good cliffie!  Somehow I think this Bella will be fine.

I'm enjoying Charlie's amusement at Edward's struggles to understand Bella:  ‘Her father had been no help at all, he had just grinned and patted him on the shoulder as he left for his shift.'

Perhaps this realization led to the slow changes we see this chapter, that Edward thought ‘nothing in life was stronger than the mating bond'.  So he assumed that acting ‘the way others act' was the right thing to do, rather than seeing Bella clearly, as an individual with very specific needs.

Fun:  'Emmett had a LOT of practise at grovelling.' 

Oh, very interesting, Jasper detects a feeling of shame from Bella.  His advice about going slow is excellent.  And Emmett agrees that "You HAVE to let her make the first move!"

I like your respect for Emmett, too.  He can be so much more than comic relief!

Oops:  ‘After all, what could [Edward] have done in the few hours since she had last seen him to piss her off?'

Nice:  ‘strange how his conscience sounded like Alice'.  At least he figures out that he needs to just start over.

Smart tactic to help her realize how lucky they were to have met at all. 

This was charming:  He finds himself daydreaming, watching Bella's mouth move instead of hearing her words.  ‘...he shook his head, what was she doing to him? A vampire's mind was complex and vast...'  I'm glad she's not the only one to be derailed by his presence.

Good job with their first kiss, and the conversation where they're both clearly confused about how to move forward.  Hmm, I wonder if being affected by Jasper's "sexual haze" will ultimately hurt them or help them?

A nice turn of phrase:  ‘She touched the purple bruise-like shadows under his eyes with fingers so gentle he could almost think he was dreaming her.'

Good choice, Edward:  ‘It was obvious she didn't want the family to hear what she was saying, so to maintain the illusion of privacy he whispered back, right into her ear.'

This surprised me:  he tells her he stopped before "we did something you would regret later", and she replies "Who says I would have regretted it?"  Promising!

But it turns out that, typical Bella, she's definitely not ready for the M-word.

Yes, this would be a definite shock, especially when Edward is still so new to her.  ‘She opened one eye and looked down at her 'pillow' She recognised the shirt, of course she did, she had spent quite a bit of time looking at it earlier... or rather at the vampire wearing it.'

I enjoyed this lightheartedness that we don't often see in Edward, when she asks "Why are you in my bed?"  ‘You grabbed me and dragged me here." He grinned down at her as she looked at him indignantly.'

I smiled at her comparing Edward to the statue of David:  ‘She forced her eyes to stop before they went any lower, she cursed as her cheeks reddened and she tried her hardest not to visualise the rest of the statue.'

Nice detail:  ‘He was amazed, the clumsy girl who couldn't walk without tripping over thin air moved around the kitchen with an unconscious grace that astounded him.'  It was fun how the other Cullen siblings (minus Rosalie) gathered at Charlie's too. 

I was kind of surprised by Edward's apology to Alice and Jasper, admitting that his reaction years ago was as much to another mated pair as to being shoved out of his room.  Good for him for being honest with himself as well as them.

Rosalie makes a good point about his resistance to changing Bella: "You would put Esme through losing both of you?"  And "You are taking away her choice the same way Carlisle did for me...", just in the opposite way.  And wow, Esme:  "...if you insist on this course, that Bella isn't changed even if she wants to be, I will ask your father to do it." 

Nice conclusion:  ‘he had every intention of showing the girl what she had missed being brought up by her mother. ... for now he could shower her with affection, attention and gifts, just as she deserved.'

This is promising:  ‘Courtship rules had changed dramatically since he was alive; he would have to do some research on teen habit in this day and age.'  SM's rule was that vampires "froze" as they were when they changed, but it always seemed to me that creatures as intelligent as the Cullens couldn't live among humans as they did without adapting to changes in the society around them.

It made me smile that when she keeps trying to step away from Edward's arm over her shoulder at school, ‘"Behave," he whispered right in her ear...'  Yeah, good luck with that.  You did a good job with Edward's puzzlement about why she was so resistant to his mild PDA if they were truly mates.  And of course she has no idea that he is partly reacting to the threatening thoughts of the other boy.

I also liked the way she didn't appreciate his engineering himself into all her classes, replacing the other Cullens who had been her friends for a long time. 

Smart guy:  he ‘knew that deep down she did not think marriage was a piece of paper or she wouldn't be so scared of it.'

Clever of Alice to share her thoughts about Renee so that Bella doesn't have to trot out all those painful memories.  That couldn't possibly help!

What a good  job  Charlie did of explaining the deal with Phil.  Interesting explanation that Renee "only took you because she thought I would follow her."

This made me smile - at least she's talking to him:

"I'm still angry with you over what you did at school." She told him as she slipped into sleep.

"I know."

"And the chocolates."

"I know that too."

Hmm, very plausible that Esme's husband "guessed that I loved someone else and he got jealous."  Unfortunate that this horrid man was tough enough that he "had even survived a bout of the Spanish Influenza that killed Edward's family."  I regret to tell you, though, that I'm just not that interested in the level of detail in Esme's story.  But I did enjoy the idea that after the traumas of her marriage, she had a hard time adjusting to having Carlisle in her life.  Definitely something Bella can relate to.

Esme's appeal for Bella to be patient with Edward was sweet - after all, he is her son.  And hopefully it will help.

Interesting how the physical shield progresses, seeming to expand a little more every time someone new shows up, and yet limited by physical barriers like walls and doors.  Fun that the human cop is the one who directs everyone to get out safely while they still can.  And ‘there was no way [Edward] was leaving, just in case he couldn't get back in.‘

Funny moment when Emmett carries Charlie down from the balcony - without warning him first.

Good backstory on Eleazar and Carmen.  So they met while Carmen was human too!  And ugh, she was part of a group shepherded into the "feeding room".  Good thing that Eleazar recognized her as quickly as he did.  Ah, the Denali sisters who helped solidify their vegetarian diet.  I liked your contrast to the extra drama it costs the Cullens to interact with humans as they do, so Carlisle can be a doctor.

Clever:  ‘Tanya was the first to figure out a way to have her cake and NOT eat it.'

Good distinction:  ‘Eleazar had thought it best as they expected to be busy for the next few days, guarding the newborn... or rather the town.'

Hmm:  ‘I have never seen anyone with both mental and physical shields, especially not unconscious ones and as a human!"  So our Bella is already something special.

Ooh, creepy:  "[Another shield] allowed Aro to touch him once when he wasn't shielded, Aro had him destroyed immediately, I never found out what he read in his thoughts to have him condemned so quickly."

Kate notices an intriguing anomaly: "I can usually absorb electric, say from a power outlet, I can store it in my body, but I can't drain this."

Well you've certainly built up some suspense about how Bella's gift will function once she wakes up.

Oh, what a treat to have Carlisle show up in the midst of all this gloom.  A nice little twist to have him playing substitute science teacher instead of doctor this time.  And yay, he stands up to the school bully on her behalf.  

I can just picture the warmth of Carlisle’s smile after he checks Bella’s work.  Like a ray of sunshine.   Oh, fun, he even finds something interesting for her to study.

Yes, “something just wasn’t right” about Mrs. Vaughn’s sudden absence, but in a good way.  The cavalry has just come over the hill!

‘...she never used the dryer any more than she had to, it just ate money!'  Something most of us never have to think about.

She used the smaller iron so ‘she didn't burn herself half so much'.  I wonder if Renee even noticed that her daughter burned herself.

How aggravating for Alice!  ‘... Renée just decided on things out of the blue. There was no trail that led to these stupid ideas, she just thought them up on the spot, so there was no way of working in advance to stop her.'

Interesting thoughts about how Alice's gift works:  ‘She hadn't realized at first that the future she saw was not just the near future as usual, but more like her first vision of Jasper, long term.'  And a key piece is for Alice to establish a lasting connection with Bella.

‘Bella's danger though was not just from her mother's neglect and frequent bad tempers, but from a lack of self esteem and growing depression making her unable to connect to anyone..'  what a shame.

Nice take on Emmett:  ‘Emmett was, as usual, fascinated by anything human, his sense of humour was strange... to say the least... but his loyalty and compassion were second to none.' 

Satisfying:  ‘...by 4am Rose would have given [the pedophile] every reason to regret ever being born and Emmett would make sure that the pieces of him that could be identified would be in the stomachs of carnivores two States apart.'

Good use of the canon line, from a different Cullen:  ‘Alice slumped, she had never had to work so hard just to keep someone alive!'

Ah, so whatever Alice did that drove Edward away happened in 1950!  Another clue.

Creepy:  ‘In fact the nebulous swirling of the future now showed Bella, aged in her 20's STILL at home looking after her mother, she had met Edward, the bond had formed, but Renée had demanded that Bella not leave her...'

Ah, so that's how Phil comes into the story.  Hurry up, Phil!

Well at least someone sees Bella's situation clearly; Bella ‘caught a sad look on Mrs. Vaughn's face that changed quickly into a smile and a wave.' 

‘It wasn't a surprise that Esme had to be held back from visiting Renée to have a small chat after these emails...'  Ooh, wouldn't that get her attention!  Well, for about five minutes.

It's a nice idea that the Cullen couples took turns rotating through the apartment that overlooked Bella's home.  It's satisfying to see Rosalie getting involved.  Her overheard 911 phone call did the job, but I bet she'd have fun with a more direct method of scaring the bad guys.

Renee's ‘latest boyfriend was actually a drinking buddy of the 2 would-be burglars.'  Sounds very plausible.  Oh, and then Rosalie does get some creative revenge for Renee's neglect.  But how evil:  ‘She sold the books.'

Yes, this would be dangerous:  ‘Any time blood was involved the damage could increase exponentially as she would grow faint and drop to the floor like a brick.'  At least it's good that some of the adults around her took notice of her unusual frequency of injuries, and investigated.

This made me chuckle, re Phil:  ‘It is strange. First because even though Renée is her usual self, he is still here!'  I like how you have made Phil a sympathetic character, someone who looks out for his girlfriend's neglected daughter.  Canon Phil certainly seemed to be a good guy.  It's interesting how you've made Bella so resistant to Phil's attempts to look after her - she's so accustomed to managing everything on her own that it feels like interference.

‘...once more foster homes loomed in the visions.'  Ugh.  Another very believable possibility:  ‘If Bella was established in Forks too early she would start seeing the blond idiot from the camping store, and that would NOT go down well with Edward once he found her.'  Let alone the baby thing!

Amusing, but then really not:  ‘Alice fantasized getting her hands on Renée's neck, the roiling twisted future that fantasy produced made her ill and she stopped quickly.'

Also a sweet idea:  ‘at least one Cullen always caught the flight with her...'  But if they can be patient, 'Bella would be happy for a very, very long time...'

A good recounting of the various Cullens' back stories.  Some favorite details:

Carlisle ‘nodded and sat down on the recliner that Charlie sat in to watch baseball on TV.'  There's something so disorienting about picturing this!

‘Elizabeth Masen had also contracted the illness, when the porters removed her husband from the ward, the nurses immediately put her into the bed he had just died in, there was no room for sentiment.'  Don't remember whether this was specified in canon, but it's chillingly realistic.

Bella ‘didn't remember Alice mentioning an Edward though; Bella wondered what happened to him.'  This effectively highlights his absence - shivery.

‘...only the fact that [Esme] had been so young had stopped me trying to turn her back then. I had left her behind to live a normal life; the decision was not without pain.'  I don't think it ever occurred to me that Carlisle had made a decision similar to Edward's in New Moon.

Rosalie and Edward:  "loathing at first sight!"  Snicker.

Good job building the case of how each new mated couple in the family made Edward feel more and more isolated and freakish.

I liked your explanation of how Alice came to understand her gift.  Then, on the way to Philadelphia ‘I hunted along the way and even paused to steal a few clothes as mine were, by this time, just rags. It took me just over six weeks to walk there.'  But how else was she to get there?  No hardship for a vampire, I guess.

This made me smile - after Alice and Jasper's story, ‘Alice sighed and Bella joined her, it was so romantic! Though Bella was practical to a fault she was also a teenage girl.'

Clever idea, expanding on a tiny throw-away canon detail of Alice evicting Edward from his room, presumably ‘seeing' that it would work out OK.  Only a series of small accidents in Edward's day made that - plus yet another new couple - a last straw instead.  I remember thinking that was awful and unacceptable behavior in the book, and I'm glad you called her on it. 

Edward ‘...looked at everyone in turn then without saying a single word he got into his car and just... left.'  Heart wrenching.  And understandable.  Also consistent with Edward's history of coping with being overwhelmed by walking away.  Interesting that it persisted, too:  ‘We have tried to find him over the years, but every time we get close he 'hears' us coming and vanishes.'  He really seems to be done with the Cullens!

Kind of sad, but I can see why she looks at it this way:  ‘It made a lot of sense to Bella; they had looked after her because they needed her for something. After all it was the only time Renée ever seemed to want her around, when she wanted something. Bella didn't feel used or angry at the Cullen's for wanting to use her, she just accepted that that was the way things worked...'  She can't conceive of them looking after her because they valued her for herself as well.

Hmm, so Edward's about to come into the picture!  Bring it on!

Refreshing:  ‘Charlie wasn't going to make the mistake of forcing people onto his rather introverted daughter. If she made friends with them, fine, but he felt she was old enough to make this kind of decision herself.'

Ominous:  ‘The worst of the secrets they held from Bella was soon going to come to light, Alice just hoped she would forgive them or everything was in vain.' Hopefully it's just a financial issue.

Oh, the mystery garment is a baseball uniform.  Fun - we know what's coming!

I liked the fatherly moment with Charlie showing her how to use the snow chains.  And this: "Here, you shouldn't spend your own money on essential clothing."  Of course Bella's not used to having a responsible parent.

A charming picture, Rose and Alice each supporting one of Bella's arms to escort her over the ice, while ‘The boys fell in behind as they made their way to the edge of the car park.'  Nice twist on the canon van-on-ice.

Amusing that Mrs. Cope's too-tight purple Tshirt ‘made even Bella feel as if she was overdressed.'

I guess I'll have to look up Gracie Fields, I'm not familiar with that name.

Good planning, to have at least one Cullen in each class.  I like the variation that from the beginning, Forks High students resent Bella's friendship with the whole family.  I have to say, though, that Alice and Rosalie could have done better than to be equally nasty as the girls in the bathroom.

Hilarious:  ‘Emmett didn't help as he was constantly trying to bait Jasper by offering alternate, stupid, and just as incorrect 'facts' to the mix and making the Civil War Veteran angrier.'

Oh, poor Jasper, driven out of the classroom by Bella's excessive blushing.

And as in canon, at least there's Angela, one compassionate student.

Wow, this was a surprise:

"I can't imagine Renée ever bothered to look after you much," he said blushing guiltily.

"Then maybe you should have fought for custody."

‘But all the things the woman had done had hardened her daughter to feeling much of anything, for anyone.'  Uh oh.  Yeah, Bella has never had a reason to trust anyone.

The stubbornly reappearing new phone is pretty funny. 

Interesting twist that at this point Bella knows nothing about the enmity between the Cullens and the Quileutes. 

Well done conversation between Bella and Jacob.  I like that your Jacob has some sense of boundaries. 

The best thing in your story so far, Bella to Esme:  "I can see why Edward left. It must have been unendurable to have someone come in and re-arrange everything to suit them and realise from reading all of your minds that none of you were going to stand up for him." 

‘Somehow the family had thought he would be fine with this, being displaced and in a way dismissed.'  Yes, exactly dismissed, as if he's less important than the new couple that just arrived.  He should have MORE seniority than anyone else, not less.  And yaay Bella:  ‘this young girl had seen through all the points of view to the heart of the problem when the Cullen's had spent years trying to figure out just what was the one thing too far that had tipped Edward over the edge.'

And thank goodness for this:  ‘Alice just wore you down until you gave in. Esme determined not to allow the girl free rein with Bella.'

Funny:  ‘"Plus they will want to bring the XBox and use the flatscreen to play games." Charlie looked at her in horror. A house full of teens and no TV?'  An easy way to get permission to visit at the Cullen house.

I loved this line from Emmett: "You have to promise not to faint when you see me in the sun!" he told her, "I look fabulous!"

Poignant that Bella is so sure she'll part company with the Cullens once Edward returns.

‘"Just leave [Lauren] alone." Bella was feeling guilty for the girl's embarrassment.'  Rightly so - the immature campaign of getting back at Lauren went too far.  It's not hard, though, to imagine each of the Cullens cooking up their own form of revenge.

Interesting puzzle:  ‘Bella dropped it, it was obvious that Alice was hiding something, and maybe it was for the best? Maybe if Bella knew she would act differently? Maybe it could cause the meeting the family had waited so long for not to happen?'

Believable:  ‘When they reached the clearing Bella's muscles wouldn't release and it took both Rose and Alice to free their mother from her grip. Bella sank to the ground and felt like kissing it.'

A good description of the nomads:  ‘Both were beautiful of course, but it was a cold beauty. Like a mannequin or waxworks, too perfect. Little things like blinking and shifting their weight on their feet were missing, making an unnatural aura spread around them.'

What a fun way to bring Edward into the scene (at least I assume it's Edward):  ‘The Cullens formed a tight wall between Bella and the Nomads, when suddenly a blur passed between the two groups and like magic there was yet another vampire there!'

Ohmigosh, James and Victoria killed not only the 1900 year old vampire, but also David?   Creepy fate for Laurent.

Aww, nice:

‘"You are staying?" Esme asked, her voice small, dreading the possible answer.

"If you will forgive me." .... He was humbled and overwhelmed, after all these years of what could basically be termed sulking; they were welcoming him back with open arms.'

Ah, so Edward hadn't heard of singers...

‘{It's what the Volturi call a human whose blood is so powerful to a certain vampire that it is impossible to resist.}

{Hate to burst your bubble but I am resisting!} Edward pointed out. Alice raised an eyebrow, and he conceded. If it hadn't been for his family befriending the girl and helping to hold him back in the first few minutes, she wouldn't be alive now.'

Wow, that was a narrow escape! 

Well done argument between Edward and Alice about the possible timelines of Bella becoming a vampire.   Good point:  ‘It wasn't as if Alice was picking the worst case scenarios, he was seeing them as soon as she was.'

Nice family moment:  ‘He grinned. He had forgotten how much fun he could have winding Emmett up. The teasing had never been only one way between them, something he had forgotten after he left the family.'  Funny to imagine:  ‘Emmett hated to be left out of any conversation and many a time in the past [Edward] had pretended to be reading someone's mind and answering them just to rile him.'

Oh, Bella figures out how Alice is picking up Edward's thoughts!  Clever girl.

Nice detail:  ‘he looked down at his wallet, she was right, [his credit cards] were in the name of Edward Masen, he ... crushed the old ones into unrecognisable lumps of plastic before Esme could see the name and get upset.'

I snickered at your description of Bella thinking back over how much she had enjoyed watching Edward as the four males play-fought. 

This makes perfect sense:

‘"What aren't you telling me?" Bella wanted to know.

"Oh LOTS!" Alice grinned.'

Creepy - Deputy Mark discovering the nomads' victim.  ‘It was so suspicious that [Carlisle] believed it had been done deliberately to cause trouble for the family.'

I like Edward being "aghast" at the choices the Cullens have made about Bella's life.  It takes a lot of convincing for him to understand and agree with their interference.  Good for him.

Good conversation between Carlisle and Edward about being mated.  "Will you condemn Bella to grow old and weak while she knows you are out in the world, young and strong? If it is Bella's wish NOT to turn, we will respect it, but if she decides to, the two of you will find your lives worth living... TOGETHER."

An interesting point:  ‘She fascinated him, it was true, but would she turn out to be as shallow as all the other teenage girls he had ever met? The silence of her mind, was it covering beauty and depth or pettiness and spite?‘

That's an intriguing twist on SM's vampire mythology, that even contemplating leaving Bella behind to go to Alaska, triggers pain in the mate bond that was finalized by Bella casually touching his arm earlier.  Also that neither Carlisle nor Edward himself understood what was happening. 

Thank goodness for Alice! "Change your mind!" Alice shouted. "NOW!"

Good detail:  ‘He hadn't touched a human in decades and he was amazed at how she felt.'  And I like this variation on canon:  ‘As before, her being in contact with him lessened his thirst...' 

This was amusing, Edward panics when Bella's heart stutters, and Alice tells him ‘{Try smiling at her, I bet you get the same reaction.}'  And of course she's right.

Sweet:  ‘"I'm not leaving." He said softly as he gingerly sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand. ... Bella, still asleep, grabbed his hand with both of hers and cuddled around his arm. He looked helplessly at Alice, who was doing her best not to laugh and wake Bella up.'

Charming, too, when he worries that sleeping next to him ‘would be like laying on a slab of marble', and Bella clearly doesn't mind.

Personally, I could have done with a little less sleep chatter from Bella.  Her physical reactions, grasping onto him at every opportunity, painted the story very well. 

This made me smile:  ‘...he groaned as she threw her leg over him, her thigh contacting just where he needed, or didn't need... the pressure.'

I like this variation on canon rules:  ‘As before, her being in contact with him lessened his thirst...' 

He believes ‘He couldn't count on her wanting to touch him once she was awake', but I think he's wrong about that!  But maybe not since she hesitated to even hug Alice.

Nice:  Edward was ‘amazed at the complexity of Charlie's mind as he processed everything he had seen since the Cullen's came to town. The man missed nothing, even if he routinely and willingly turned a blind eye to anomalies.'  I like that he notices what's going on with the wolves as well as the vampires.

Good detail:  ‘the way Esme always bought exactly the same goods when shopping...'   I bet if Charlie mentions this to her, she'll change her habits.

Excellent:  ‘...in olden times when the change came over the youngsters of the tribe, the new wolves would be banished to a set of caves in a cliff face on the edge of the Quileute lands with the old Alpha until they learnt how to control the change...'  Of course they would!  What an extra burden on the boys phasing now, with no experienced elders to help them.  No wonder Sam was such a hero.

Go Charlie! "It is up to Bella. ...If she says yes, then you have my blessing ... however if she says no, you leave her alone, you get me son?"  And later:  "...so if she does join your family..." he looked at Edward sternly, "and I mean IF... then I guess she will be well looked after."

I chuckled that Edward doesn't fool Alice:  ‘{Oh yes whatever she wants, as long as it doesn't contradict what YOU want} ' This actually becomes a serious (and important) discussion.  I at least HOPE this Edward does better than in canon at letting Bella make her own choices.

Ha ha, Edward catching Carlisle and Esme in flagrante delicto, prompting his decision to be on his own for a while. 

Interesting visions about what Renee will do next.  I'm betting on getting herself in deeper trouble with the judge with her big mouth.

Funny outcome of Emmett's bet with Jasper: "NOOO! You idiot! My grandpa could have hit that, and he would be 147 this year!"

Good conversation where Edward gets to tell Charlie that he didn't have any choice about becoming a vampire.  I always think that's such a key point. 

This is realistic:  Bella ‘opened her eyes and burst into tears, neither Charlie nor Edward knew what to do, neither of them were practised in comforting crying girls.'

Lovely description of Edward's piano playing, with Alice harmonizing, especially when it begins to turn into a new composition.  True:  ‘This was exposing his feelings more than just a declaration of finding his mate.'

This is a nice solution:  ‘She ate a little off everyone's tray as usual...'  And at last, Edward gets the scale right, buying her a Snickers bar instead of a $100 box of chocolates.

Well finally, Edward sees that good things can happen when he allows a little space:  ‘In the afternoon she felt more than comfortable with Edward near her, she actually found herself moving to be close to him if they drifted apart at all.'

This makes good sense:  ‘She pulled over in the car park of a store and turned to Jasper. "I need you to tell me what I'm feeling." She stated.'  If you don't understand how to interpret the emotions running through you, ask an empath!

A good thought:  ‘[Jasper's] voice was soft with the Texan accent that was heavier than usually heard nowadays as he had got it before radio and Television made people start to speak a more standardised language.'

Nice: 

    ‘...she remembered back, the very second he touched her and the warm feeling flooded back into her, "I felt..."

    "Safe." [Jasper] said.'  Something new for her.

A good explanation:  "Charlie loves you enormously, but he is rather unable to show it... for the same reason you are, long before Renée hurt you she destroyed your father."  From what we've seen of her, she's more than capable of doing serious damage to an idealistic young man.

Snicker:  ‘She got a couple of steaks out of the freezer, pleased that for once there was something in there that didn't spend its whole life in water.'

Charming:  ‘She came to the realisation that Edward Cullen was dangerous to her. Even if he just looked in her direction her brain dribbled out of her ears and she found herself saying things she didn't really mean... things like... yes.'

An interesting reaction, when the van is approaching (again):  ‘Her eyes lifted to where Edward was stood, at the top of the steps, she tried to apologise to him with her glance.'  Because she knows how hard this will be for him, I'm guessing.

Boy, how obnoxious did Renee have to be to get to this point:  ‘Charlie could tell her lawyer wasn't impressed by his client's attitude either.'

Hmm, well I guess that's as good a reason as any to choose to marry right away.  Bella's getting better at thinking through her first emotional reactions.  (And at least she doesn't have to deal with an Alice-organized wedding circus.) 

What a tough position for Charlie:  ‘How much he regretted pushing his daughter into marriage at 17, just to save her from her mother...'  Interesting that as Edward speaks about Renee, ‘...to protect Bella from the sheer hatred in his voice he spoke to his father in a pitch she couldn't hear.'

Nice:  ‘At last she could recognise it, the warm glow Edward put into her life wasn't just safety, it was love and happiness.'

A good way to describe her sleepiness:  ‘Her head nodded as her blinks were harder and harder to recover from.'

Lovely use of a canon line from a similar setting:  ‘"Where would I go?" he asked.'

Oh my gosh the arrogance of this woman!  ‘Renée looked at the [restraining order] papers in disbelief and tore them in half without giving them a second glance.'  Very selfless of Charlie to allow her to assault him, getting her locked up where she can't get to Bella.

What a shame that Bella had to put up with this:  ‘Often [Renee] would invite men back to the house that she had only met hours earlier. Bella had learnt to be out of sight before they arrived, if the man found out about her and left before Renée got what she wanted Bella's life wasn't worth living for days, or weeks.'

No wonder Bella's a little vague about how to tell when "it's time".

Fun:  ‘She unconsciously licked her lips as she stared at him, only realising what she had done as she tasted the salt that had dried there on their walk on the beach.'

I kind of liked the similarity to canon of Bella getting worn out by the day's activities, but not because Edward was withholding sex from her, but because she was still recovering and he wanted her to rest.

Excellent vampire moments:  ‘She practised snorkelling while Edward coolly walked along the sea bed below her...', and later Edward swimming to the mainland because it's quieter and no one will notice him.

I'm glad she finally got this:  ‘She didn't think she could ever be as happy again as she was on the island, no matter how long she may live.'

Nice use of "I'm not going to let you starve!"

Good for her:  ‘She had never been a good liar... But if it was to protect Edward she suddenly realised she could tell people the moon was made of green cheese and sound convincing.'

Clever variation on the Port Angeles story, although perhaps because it's a single assailant Bella does better at defending herself.  Just as creepy, though, that Edward knows what the man's intentions were.

How nice:  ‘...the land that Carlisle had signed over to the couple to go with their new house.'  And thank goodness she's actually excited about it!  Aww, sweet moment at the threshhold.

Snicker:  Bella ‘...dismissed it all from her mind as she turned and firmly closed the door on the horror she had seen.'  (the huge closet stocked by Alice)

How lovely that someone took the time to select just the right personal photos for their new home.

Wow, Bella has made up her mind to be changed!  Good for Charlie: "I knew this was coming the day you caught the fever at first beach."  Yeah, he got an eyeful that day.

"We can keep in touch until you get past that awkward phase..."  That awkward phase?  Understatement of the year, giggle.  Oh my gosh, Charlie intervened with the wolves!

Good detail: "That is why we take so long hunting, we scout the area first to make sure there's no humans about before we actually start to hunt."

It was thoughtful of Alice to provide some "research" that might actually be useful to Bella.  And Emmett, sharing from his experience with Rose, about not only physical issues but also emotional.  "...no matter how much she wasn't ready, emotionally, for a physical connection, the bond would not be denied. It is going to happen."  Good to know.

This made me smile, at Edward's early 20th century frame of reference:  ‘...did women get randy? Was there another term?'

Interesting:  ‘If things didn't progress soon he would have to resort to masturbation. It wasn't as if he thought it was evil or wrong...he had just never seen the need before.'  To me it seems pretty obvious that masturbation (we have to come up with less ugly / pejorative word)  would take some of the pressure off, since he IS determined to let her go at her own speed.  Kind of a no-brainer (although not to SM).

Sobering, although they are alone on this beautiful island, ‘it hadn't been that long since the accident. The skull fractures had only just started healing, really she should not be so far from a hospital...'

Snicker, ‘every dirty thought Emmett had ever had in his presence came to the fore.'  So not helping!

Intriguing:  ‘The electric tingle every time they touched should have been so common now that he was used to it, but it seemed the voltage was increasing.'

This situation is getting serious, maybe even risky:  ‘'Distract yourself! NOW!' [Alice] said, he realised that he was at the bedroom door. He had headed there without even thinking about it.'

Nice that he realizes this:  ‘Thank God for Alice. ... If it wasn't for her he would probably have killed Bella on their first meeting.'  True enough.

And yet it's still humorous that ‘She was definitely trying to kill him!' Of course knowing Bella, she didn't have that intention, though she did seem to be enjoying the effect she has on him.

Unexpectedly affecting, "Mrs. Esme" and "Mrs. Bella".  Makes their marriage very real.

Good one:  ‘Kaure mumbled under her breath a warning that Mrs. Bella had better be alive and undamaged when they returned or she would bring matches.'  Another good one:  ‘Gustavo, with the instincts of an animal in peril, seemed to sense that his wife was in danger and he hurried her out with hardly a goodbye.'

Fun idea, that Jasper carved all those chess sets.  But I'm with her on the ivory:  ‘the taint of decades dead elephants'.

A startling thought:  ‘When Carlisle was young, men could be tortured on the rack and burnt at the stake for nothing more than speaking out against the king!'

Hmm, so did he find a way to affect the dice so she won at backgammon?

I like this version of Bella choosing to shave "everything" better than the manic honeymoon night grooming from the book.  Your Bella seems to be enjoying herself, getting ready for her day in the sun with her husband.

Yikes:  ‘Alice had told her that if Edward continued being stubborn that eventually his inner beast would take control again, and this time she would not survive it. It was even doubtful if she would live long enough to be turned according to the vision Alice had recently had.'  A little too risky if you ask me!  Maybe there should be a Plan C?

Ah, finally she gets to enjoy this: ‘the closeness, the electricity, made her body hum immediately.'  This time, some real vampire sex!  And she lives to tell the tale.

‘"I bruise easily." She reminded him. Still, he lowered himself to each bruise in turn, and kissed it gently, apologising to each and every blemish.'  So much better than going all emo.

Progress:  ‘Never would she have imagined that she would be willing to sunbathe without clothes on...'

Aww, good for Gustavo:  ‘The terrified man before him had risked his displeasure to tell him that there was a tropical storm brewing off the coast...'

A good sign:  ‘Charlie looked slightly out of place as he stood with the rest, but the grin on his face as he saw her showed that he felt quite comfortable in their close company.'  And later ‘Bella was amazed that he had actually unhooked his boat from the back [of his truck] to come and pick her up.'

Hmm:  ‘Charlie looked well, better than he had ever looked, if she was honest.'  He probably hadn't ever been looked after as carefully as he was at the Cullen house.

My favorite part of the family greetings:  ‘Jasper put a hand on her shoulder and she felt warmth flood her, she met his eyes and tears filled hers as he transmitted how happy they all were to see her.'  This was fun too:  ‘Emmett wasn't exactly ignorable.'

Giggle:  ‘...Charlie set off first. It would probably be the first time in history that the Cullen family travelled any distance and kept to the speed limit.'

That's a good point that Bella could be taking a job away from someone who really needs it.

Aww, ‘She really would miss Charlie through her newborn phase. He was the first person who she had ever known for certain loved her.'

I totally agree with Bella's tantrum at Alice - it's hard to imagine how else she would ever get Alice's attention, to be taken seriously.  Nobody else even tries any more. I especially enjoyed her throwing the D&G jeans into the fire.  Hopefully Edward will listen to her enough to understand how she feels.

Hmm, interesting question, re the pain from a strained mate bond:  ‘...it pulsed in her body, keeping pace with her heartbeat. Every nerve ending was on fire with it. Was this what she would suffer in the change?'

It's brave of you to say that Bella feels smothered by Edward:  ‘She loved him so much that it hurt sometimes... But it wasn't enough, she was suffocating.'  And ‘It was too late for her to retreat into childhood now.'  That's right, all of the Cullens need to learn this.

Oh yaay, she has gotten through to him:  "I won't force you into anything or stop you from doing anything you want, just come back to me. Alice isn't allowed anywhere near you unless you say you want to see her!"

Snicker, ‘Having the same argument every 7 days for the rest of eternity didn't appeal to her.'

Well said:

"I didn't promise, I said it would be a long time before it happened and then distracted you. I would not promise Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

Whoa, they're definitely taking her seriously. "Bella, you have to think about yourself. If living with us is as bad as Renée was, then you MUST leave. Edward will take you anywhere you want to go, for as long as you need."  I'm impressed that Carlisle even offers to move the rest of the family away so she can be alone with Edward but near Charlie!

Nice:  ‘He held up the plaid shirt that had started the argument earlier and when she smiled slightly at him he beamed broadly as if she had given him the world.'  I was surprised she wasn't more excited to have her own clothes back - that was quite a victory.  Great idea:  ‘maybe Rose and Esme would like to go shopping with her? To buy the sort of clothes SHE liked?'

This made me smile:  ‘She didn't remember deciding to stay with Edward, but the mating bond seemed to think she had and the pain was no longer present.'

I enjoyed your Jacob, playful and light hearted, and a good representative of his tribe.  Very interesting: "Most of the tribe still think that the spirit warriors are just myth, we don't want them to know any different."

I liked Jacob's reaction to her question about resisting the imprint: "NO!" he almost gasped in shock, "Why on earth would anyone try and refuse true love? Total love?"  And he's smart enough to figure out she's struggling with her own "imprint". 

Aww, even sadder than canon: "The thing is, no one in Leah's family has phased, and her father wouldn't allow us to tell her what happened, so she was one bitter woman!" 

This made me laugh out loud, but it makes sense:  "Sam is whipped, I mean REALLY whipped."  So Emily's the alpha over the alpha wolf!

A nice observation:  ‘She guessed that in floor space [the cottage] wasn't much larger than the Black house, but the difference was astounding.'

Impressive that B&E can have a pleasant conversation after she spends time with Jacob, so unlike canon.  Sweet that he has a fire and a hot cup of tea waiting for her, equally sweet that she wants to take HIS car to go see the family.

Hmm, Edward makes a good point that they have to be careful how they offer to help out the res financially.

A good resolution re Alice - Edward is wise to clearly choose his wife over his sister.  Good answer: "We need her, she will have to organise everything. As long as she doesn't try and organise me I'm ok."

Well thought out discussion about how to help the tribe.  ‘...with the secrets the tribe was keeping the one thing they could not afford was more people in the area.'  And duh - Jasper figures out that "We need Charlie" for ideas.  Funny observation about the strict male/female division re the crafts.  Aww, touching that Charlie is proud of Bella for wanting to help.

Yaay, no more school for E&B.

Oh dear, Renee just keeps making things worse for herself.  I agree with Edward, "I don't even want to remind Bella she exists."

Hmm, I like that the Cullens have to dig a little to find out if the latest "animal" victim was really killed by a vampire. They can't possibly know everything that happens in the area the second it happens.

Sweet moment for Esme:  ‘They found her sat on the sofa, a peaceful smile on her face as she regarded the sleeping girl with her head on her lap.'

This made me smile:  ‘Edward grimaced. Just because he didn't want to discuss [their sex life], didn't mean his family didn't.'

Good explanation for Bella's aversion to shopping:  "at the moment she feels guilty because she sees it as us running down the way she has lived so far, and she is trying not to be offended with our generosity."

I always thought it was sort of ridiculous that canon never mentioned the issue of menstruation around vampires, especially with a school full of young women.

Fun bit of banter when he's about to drive her home - they really are learning each other.

A cute way of expressing Bella's cluelessness about sports:  ‘She frowned as Jacob gave a loud cheer, evidently someone had scored a goal, or a run, or something.'  This was fun, too, from Emily, re the infamous "flat screen": "Anyone would think we didn't have a TV anywhere on the reservation..."

A sad idea, re Sam and Emily:  "Leah just went postal, she kicked me out of the house and Uncle Harry won't let us tell her what happened." Not only does Emily get the blame, but Leah must feel even worse.

Yikes, so both Emily and Bella were hurt?   The nomad indirectly causes terrible damage without even being in the room - and without even the advantage of Alice being able to see that Carlisle and Edward are needed!

Uh oh:  ‘Harry looked to have aged a decade since Charlie had last seen him, which was only a few days before... Charlie worried for his friend, his health wasn't the best. ... if the man lived out the year he would be lucky.'  Having his son AND daughter phase had to be traumatic.

Yeah, the tribe must have wondered this, as Harry did:  ‘Why [Leah] had phased and what that meant to the tribe. ...Was the whole tribe going to end up as wolves? ... would there BE a next generation if no one aged and so couldn't carry a child to term?'

Ouch:  ‘[Leah] didn't yet realise that if Emily died, Sam would soon follow. As soon as they all phased at the same time, she would though.'  That's only going to make Leah feel worse.

Well said:  ‘...the joint mind especially gave Edward what could be described as a mix between a headache and strained eyesight.' 

I snickered that Bella remembers leaving the oven on.  They really don't need another problem right about now.  Not at all amusing though that the kitchen is covered in Emily's blood.

Clever thought, to have the wolves take a photo of any unidentified nomad and check with the Cullens.  I wonder if the wolves were a little surprised at Bella's knowledge about "burning the pieces".

Interesting thoughts from Paul:  ‘"I mean this house is great and all, but hardly a palace, and they all go to school, why is that?" Edward could tell that the others all agreed, the tribe had long been trying to figure out why the Cullen's acted as they did.'

Good point:  ‘The fact that Jacob had been unable to understand Bella's attitude before and was suddenly confronted with his own reluctance to accept [cell phones] allowed Edward to understand even better than if he just had been able to read Bella to start with.'  As out of touch with "normal" humans as the Cullens are, it's also good for them to see that someone else thinks like Bella does.

I like that Edward has really learned his lesson about not making decisions for Bella.  For instance, ‘Edward was uneasy the whole time [Sam] was close to her, this was... after all... the wolf who had hurt his own imprint through losing his temper.'  But he keeps his mouth shut.

I love Charlie's idea of paying the pack for their peacekeeping duties.  And that ‘It was the longest speech anyone except Bella had ever heard Charlie make... ever.'

Good thing Jacob was there to talk Bella out of feeling guilty for Emily's injury.  She wouldn't have listened to Edward.  And this is certainly true:  "Emily could have got hurt miles away from any help. At least as it was she got to a doctor fast."  And a doctor who wouldn't report her odd injuries.

Now THIS was unexpected.  Bella runs after the human and then ‘"Are you ok?" she asked as she came to a sudden halt, almost breaking the laws of mass and inertia.'  She was attracted by the smell of spilled blood, but wanted to help rather than eat him!  Carlisle will be so proud.  Good point that with her shield, there's nothing any of the others could have done to stop her, either.

Funny:  ‘{Typical, here I am in the middle of nowhere and a goddess just appears out of the trees, and she's MARRIED!}'

Oh, interesting twist that Edward was involved in Rosalie's revenge on her attackers.  Makes very good sense, with his vigilante background.

Snicker, yeah, between Edward's gift and the pack mind, who needs a satellite phone?

Excellent:  "This is annoying." Irina said from the trees, "any one of us could pick him up and run with him and get him to hospital in less than half an hour, but because you all want to live amongst humans you have to go through this charade."

Oh, good for Charlie:  ‘Charlie was waiting for them on the doorstep, thinking silently that it may be easier for her if they were out in the open, the smell of human blood being diluted in the air rather than concentrated in a small room.'  Aww, ‘Charlie's thoughts were muddled with happiness.'

A well-thought out variation on canon, that Bella's human revulsion for blood morphs into a lack of appetite for it after her change.  Could be a problem, eh?  Is she going to be a "real" vegetarian?  Poor girl, "I'm a freak. I was when I was human and nothing has changed."  Hmm, and human food doesn't smell awful?

Good explanation:  "...we can assimilate [human] blood better. Maybe metabolise would be a better term, there are factors in animal blood that do not feed us as well as they should..." 

Also "The human blood lingering in the tissues is better than anything we can feed on, after all you cannot reject your own blood. It's also why Vampires tend to kill close family members first ... the closer the person is to them, the more compatible their blood is."

I've always enjoyed that your Charlie is a real dad:  ‘{Look after her.} Charlie told him in his thoughts, {I don't like the fact that she isn't eating.}'

Hey, Corinne!  I was going to PM you, but apparently that feature has been disabled on this site, so a review is the only way to say hello.

A couple of months ago I had the urge to reread May December Divide, and was completely shocked that it had been pulled from FFn for TOS violation.  THIS story - seriously?  With all the PWP out there, I would think yours would be about the last one they would go after.  Your sex scenes are so character-driven and character-revealing, all about the relationship. Shaking my head, what a weird world we live in.

I was intrigued too that you have been doing some re-editing as you post on TWCS.  Of course I don't have the original version, but I'm finding it very smooth to read.  

I have the story on alert so I'm picking up each chapter as it posts, and enjoying it every bit as much as I did the first time through.  Thanks for going to all the trouble of reposting!

   Renée