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Reviewer: Elvirina Signed [Report This]
Date: 25 Nov 2010 12:21 PM Title: Chapter 1

You gave me a great review so I thought I would check out your stuff.
Funny, this story reminds me of another one I read. It's called 'For the summer' written by camoozle. it is like yours and fleshes out the storyline by years. It is great, you should check it out.
Now for your work. Is this your first writing? If so i can give you a few pointers, not that I work magic, but you have some rather basic flaws through this story.
I think you could develop the story, flesh out the individual year, put some more meat on your characters.
Good luck with your writing.


Author's Response:

No It's not my first writing, but it is the only one I fished. My problem is I try to make things so long then before I finish I get another idea and start on it leaving the other one behind. With this one I set out for a short story. I tried to keep it short, and I know what you mean about missing meat with the charachters. I wish you could have read the book I started called Ember's Lullaby. I had 3 chapters of it done then started on something else. I might go back to it and post a few chapters.

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