Date: 18 May 2021 11:07 PM Title: Chapter 36: Outtake 6
This was so cute! I loved it!
[Report This]Date: 19 Oct 2016 8:53 PM Title: Chapter 30: Happy times over the years
Good story
[Report This]Date: 13 Oct 2016 2:09 PM Title: Chapter 17: Edward's story BPOV
Oh wow
Date: 11 Apr 2016 10:15 PM Title: Chapter 30: Happy times over the years
I always thank writers because it's hard to write these stories and then release them to the public and then ask them to review. That's why I try to always stick to the end. Truly thank you. You had the potential of good story bones but your characters and story archs need meat. Unfortunately, this Edward and Bella are hard to like and often times understand their motivations. Maybe it's just too much non-directional drama/angst (Manwhore, romance, break up, adoption, child abuser, assult, dying mother, family dynamics, past lover angst, friends, jealous co-workers, misunderstandings, mafia, sexually assulting doms, wedding, pregnancy...) all of these things make good stories maybe not all together when not flushed out. With a really good beta and tightening of your outline you could turn this out solid. Many have done it before. Fiction should always have depth, character layers and be believable in our imaginations. That's why fanfiction is so successful it's mostly based originally on really good fiction. Good luck and never give up. Carry on...
Date: 11 Apr 2016 7:01 PM Title: Chapter 18: Edward's story EPOV
Just because he is a male character does not mean that should not have had a rape warning that was not a lemon. I'm not sure the mafia and a death contract fits with ALL the other elements. Hmm...
Date: 19 Jul 2014 3:43 AM Title: Chapter 17: Edward's story BPOV
I figured that is whar benji told her.
Date: 18 Jul 2014 11:17 PM Title: Chapter 16: Rings and an old mistake
This sounds like it is about to get dangerous!
Date: 18 Jul 2014 12:39 PM Title: Chapter 15: Misunderstanding
The bathroom lemon was a big surprise.
Date: 18 Jul 2014 11:52 AM Title: Chapter 13: An old acquaintance and Rose's news
The valentines flash back was great!
Date: 24 Jul 2013 11:22 PM Title: Chapter 2 A Hurt Angel and Bad Jake
Loved it! Poor Edward!
Date: 03 Jul 2013 6:26 AM Title: Chapter 1 Meet the boss
Loved it! Poor Edward!
Date: 28 May 2011 2:42 PM Title: Chapter 6 Christmas time and This or That?
okay back together...
Date: 28 May 2011 2:20 PM Title: Chapter 5 Reading and soul mates
what up with them? they are confusing
Date: 28 May 2011 2:10 PM Title: Chapter 4 New York and monsters caught
okay...
Date: 28 May 2011 1:58 PM Title: Chapter 3 Jerkward and monsters on loose
not cool not cool at all
Date: 28 May 2011 1:34 PM Title: Chapter 2 A Hurt Angel and Bad Jake
interesting...turn of events
Date: 28 May 2011 1:18 PM Title: Chapter 1 Meet the boss
okay the plot thickens...
Date: 18 Feb 2011 1:52 PM Title: Chapter 2 A Hurt Angel and Bad Jake
Okay I said this had potential, but it doesn't. Sorry. I hate being negative.
Main characters to familiar very quickly to the point of sexual harassment. Crying in front of a new employee, wouldn't happen. Everything totally not believable. Plus, bad syntax, grammer and spelling. The idea had merit.
You need a Beta. Better luck in the future, keep writing you'll get better.
Author's Response:
I just got a beta that is looking over everything. When it's done I am reposting.
I know some thing don't make sense...but it's fiction.
What can I say? Thank you for trying it.
Date: 17 Feb 2011 3:32 PM Title: Chapter 1 Meet the boss
It has potential. Little to familiar right-off-the-bat.
Author's Response:
Thank you. If you like it, give it a try. :) I'd liek to hear your opinion on it as you read.
Date: 14 Jan 2011 5:57 PM Title: Chapter 17: Edward's story BPOV
BS... Edward had sex with her 10 times and Bella just took it all in with no tears.. BS..
forced or not that would hurt he got it up for her. OKAY
Author's Response:
I know it was a little off...but it was my first attempt at violence...I'm sorry if it didn't look good.
Date: 14 Jan 2011 10:26 AM Title: Chapter 11: Charlotte and Edward's past
this is such BS>. Why would he put either woman in this situation. He knows.. He has lied and lied and hell he is STILL Lieing.
Author's Response:
First, thank you for reading my story. Now, answering...well...this is Edward, but he is changing. You won't recognize him by the end of the story. :)
Date: 09 Jul 2010 12:24 AM Title: Chapter 36: Outtake 6
wow that was a great story
Date: 06 Jul 2010 2:05 PM Title: Chapter 36: Outtake 6
I love it! Please don't end it!
Can we have more outtakes
in E's pov? Please!!
PS Thank you for a job well done!
It was wonerfully brilliant all the way
around! :)
Author's Response:
I'll think about it. I love this story. for now, I am focused my life and then my new stories.
Date: 06 Jul 2010 1:11 PM Title: Chapter 35: Outtake 5
I love the outtakes! I love E's pov it is always my favorite! :)
Date: 06 Jul 2010 4:59 AM Title: Chapter 3 Jerkward and monsters on loose
that was such an emotional chapter i cried and felt pangs of sadness
Date: 06 Jul 2010 4:25 AM Title: Chapter 2 A Hurt Angel and Bad Jake
wow this is so sweet
[Report This]Date: 06 Jul 2010 3:57 AM Title: Chapter 1 Meet the boss
this sounds a lot like a book I read called The Boss's Inexperienced Secretary by Helen Brooks.
Author's Response:
Really? I haven't heard of it. I'll seek it out.
Date: 02 Jul 2010 7:20 PM Title: Chapter 15: Misunderstanding
As always I love it! :)
Date: 01 Jul 2010 11:55 AM Title: Chapter 33: Outtake 3
I knew that something probably happened while they were apart in November. I don't know if I'd be able to forgive though.
Date: 01 Jul 2010 3:11 AM Title: Chapter 13: An old acquaintance and Rose's news
AWESOME!
Date: 30 Jun 2010 12:34 PM Title: Chapter 18: Edward's story EPOV
Could've done without the Renata part of the story. But it gives a little more depth to Edward's character at the same time. Glad she wont be making anymore appearances though
Date: 29 Jun 2010 11:48 PM Title: Chapter 36: Outtake 6
Thank you! This story was awesome!
Date: 29 Jun 2010 11:33 PM Title: Chapter 7 Games and more games
I have to remember that game!
Love the chapter! :)
[Report This]Date: 29 Jun 2010 6:02 PM Title: Chapter 33: Outtake 3
it was good, real good!
Date: 29 Jun 2010 11:33 AM Title: Chapter 27: A step closer to happiness
another fantastic chapter...just so you know, I miss you in french is actually 'Tu me manques' but its not a big deal, as i said just so you know xx
Author's Response:
Thanks. I'll correct it when I have some free time xx
Date: 29 Jun 2010 2:46 AM Title: Chapter 32: Outtake 2
It has to be their 4th anniversary if Anthony is 3 years old. He was conceived around their wedding day.
Author's Response:
I suppose you are right...my math skills are 'awesome'... :))
Date: 28 Jun 2010 5:14 PM Title: Chapter 30: Happy times over the years
That was great. A very great story. Thanks!
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading. I hope you stick around for the outtakes and my new story
Date: 27 Jun 2010 6:48 PM Title: Chapter 29: Surprises
I can't believe Bella is acting so crazy. I didn't freak out when I went into labor. It is not like it is not a planned event. That is why you go to those classes. There is no reason to scream. That baby is not going to just fall out. She has plenty of time to get there. She should not scare Lizzy that way.
Author's Response:
That's Bella and she wouldn't be herself if she hadn't dramatized it.
Date: 27 Jun 2010 7:54 AM Title: Chapter 23: Lizzy's birthday
When Edward was asking Bella if it was a bet, it reminded me of that one part in the movie "She's All That" hehehehe... I like this story. I don't know why Bella is all emotional all the time, though. LOL, I hope she gets pregnant anyways.
Author's Response:
That's how Bella is... The pregnancy will come later
Date: 26 Jun 2010 1:48 AM Title: Chapter 19: The presentation
Hell of a show
Date: 25 Jun 2010 1:07 PM Title: Chapter 23: Lizzy's birthday
i would just like to say i think wombats are adorable, lazy but adorable xx
Date: 25 Jun 2010 12:37 PM Title: Chapter 23: Lizzy's birthday
I am so glad they worked this all out. These two act without thinking. They have got to learn to stop and think first.
Date: 25 Jun 2010 7:52 AM Title: Chapter 18: Edward's story EPOV
I am glad no more Renata she is one sick Bitch daddys girl. I am glad he showed Bella how important she is to him.
Date: 24 Jun 2010 8:32 PM Title: Chapter 20: The proposal
Way to give the girl a moment, she was stunned.
Date: 24 Jun 2010 8:03 PM Title: Chapter 20: The proposal
I can't believe Bella didn't say yes. How can she be so cruel. If you love someone enough to say you can't live without them then you should love them enough to marry them. I hope she gets to him in time. He has had a very horrible weak. He should have gone to the doctor to make sure that nasty girl did not give him any diseases.
Author's Response:
she will say yes. she was just... surprised.
Date: 24 Jun 2010 7:29 PM Title: Chapter 19: The presentation
What is up with the whole fidelty bond contract? he was being let off the hook with Reneta.
Author's Response:
the fidelity bond is to pay 'moral' insurance for Renata... I'll explain more later
Date: 24 Jun 2010 5:27 PM Title: Chapter 16: Rings and an old mistake
Bella is nuts, she flips over anything
Date: 24 Jun 2010 9:10 AM Title: Chapter 17: Edward's story BPOV
What a fuckin mess that was so the slut got to fuck him all day and that was payment to not marry her???? Did the bitch put a condom on Edward??????
Author's Response:
she put a condom, though I don't think I mentioned it....
Date: 24 Jun 2010 5:54 AM Title: Chapter 11: Charlotte and Edward's past
I don't know--I wouldn't be able to trust Edward. Look what he did to a women he claimed to have loved
Date: 24 Jun 2010 5:14 AM Title: Chapter 10 Karma and insatiable Edward
Bella must be knocked up, she cries at the drop of a hat
Date: 24 Jun 2010 2:42 AM Title: Chapter 8 Pranks and going home
Bella overreacts a lot, Edward's got nothing on her lol
Date: 23 Jun 2010 11:26 PM Title: Chapter 17: Edward's story BPOV
I want to Kill Renata too, is there a way for Bella to kill her and Aro w/o having blood in her hands? Great post =)
Date: 23 Jun 2010 11:15 PM Title: Chapter 6 Christmas time and This or That?
Not bad so far, if you want help editing your chapters, I could help if you'd like. It would make reading easier if it was beta'd, that way the correct tenses would be there.
Author's Response:
I'm working on editing it... but only when I'd had them all edited, I'll repost it
Date: 23 Jun 2010 6:48 PM Title: Chapter 16: Rings and an old mistake
What the hell did he do or better yet what is he expected to do now. Please tell me it is not to marrie Aros daughter???? Need more hurry
Date: 23 Jun 2010 5:23 PM Title: Chapter 1 Meet the boss
Huh, curious as to what is going on with Edward and this mistery person.
Date: 21 Jun 2010 8:24 AM Title: Chapter 15: Misunderstanding
well that is one way to make sure the office knows they are together.
Date: 21 Jun 2010 7:47 AM Title: Chapter 14: A 'calm' weekend
welcome to the lfe of parenthood lol. Edward needs some anger managment classes what a temper.
Date: 21 Jun 2010 6:49 AM Title: Chapter 13: An old acquaintance and Rose's news
So much going on and now the wedding moved up. So when does Bella move in???
Date: 21 Jun 2010 5:59 AM Title: Chapter 12: Edward's past and his thoughts
At this point I am not sure who is crazy LOL
Author's Response:
I think I am the crazy one :-p
Date: 20 Jun 2010 10:34 PM Title: Chapter 11: Charlotte and Edward's past
I dont like Char and I am not sure what Edward was thinking even staying in the same house with her???
Date: 16 Jun 2010 2:06 AM Title: Chapter 10 Karma and insatiable Edward
hahahahaahaha. 'Thumper' >:D
Date: 28 May 2010 6:06 PM Title: Chapter 10 Karma and insatiable Edward
I love the fun they are having together. It is a good thing Edward is turning away his old booty calls or Bella would kill him and them. LOL
Date: 23 May 2010 7:00 AM Title: Chapter 9 Funeral and complications
love the story so far can't wait for more
Date: 23 May 2010 1:32 AM Title: Chapter 9 Funeral and complications
Wow lot going on is Tanya causeing problems for him is that why people are droping his magazine???
Author's Response:
No, Tanya is inoffensive, actually. It's the crisis as I mentioned before.
Date: 22 May 2010 11:24 PM Title: Chapter 8 Pranks and going home
That was so sweet the first time she called him Daddy. He better not turn in to an asshole again.
Date: 22 May 2010 10:43 PM Title: Chapter 7 Games and more games
Drunk Edward funny What a cool gift and I really liked the explanation of each charm.
Date: 22 May 2010 9:34 PM Title: Chapter 6 Christmas time and This or That?
Well good now they can work things out.
Date: 22 May 2010 8:09 PM Title: Chapter 5 Reading and soul mates
So why did she let Jacob kiss her???
Author's Response:
Well, she's confused. She tries to forgives him, but she doesn't want him back like that, just as a friend. She still hopes to make up with Edward, which she will.
Date: 22 May 2010 7:37 PM Title: Chapter 4 New York and monsters caught
Wow drama the little girl is safe thank goodness. James and Victoria need to rot in hell.
Date: 22 May 2010 5:06 AM Title: Chapter 3 Jerkward and monsters on loose
I am confused about what is going on with Esme???? Why is Edward really being such a dick and please tell me he is not going to fuck Tanya.
Date: 22 May 2010 5:06 AM Title: Chapter 3 Jerkward and monsters on loose
I am confused about what is going on with Esme???? Why is Edward really being such a dick and please tell me he is not going to fuck Tanya.
Author's Response:
Answering both your reviews, dogs smell trouble...well Jake knows Edward is trouble.
He won't be with Tanya and I will explain more in further chapters about his behavior.
Date: 22 May 2010 3:04 AM Title: Chapter 2 A Hurt Angel and Bad Jake
So why does that dog hate Edward so much and why does Bella hate Jacob so much
Date: 22 May 2010 1:46 AM Title: Chapter 3 Jerkward and monsters on loose
please tell me bella isn't going to forgive him that easily, seriously what a prick.
Date: 21 May 2010 6:21 PM Title: Chapter 3 Jerkward and monsters on loose
Hi,
I like it, but i'm not really following this last part? what's with Esme?
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but maybe explain more in your story and describe a little more, if you understand what I mean ;)
xLiss
Author's Response:
I'll explain more in the story.