Date: 29 Oct 2017 2:49 AM Title: Prologue
**SPLOILERS AHEAD **
In the United States, spouses are legally protected from testifying and incriminating each other. It is illegal to arrest them and interrogate them about the alleged activities of their spouse. And you can’t force them on the stand as witnesses. This is not an obscure law, it’s pretty common knowlege. So your initial premise, that Bella was picked up and interrogated about her husband’s illegal activity is a profound fallacy.
A more plausible scenario would have been to have Jacob come to her on the lowdown, after orchestrating a situation that creates an unguarded moment when he could take the opportunity to corner her, using their childhood familiarity to keep her from calling out to her bodyguards and begging her to listen to him for a brief minute claiming he is only trying to protect her, then share his information and his suspicions and begging her to turn states evidence, appealing to her sense of being betrayed and lied to and instilling doubt in her mind about her current family. Then maybe shoving a burn phone in her pocket as a secret way she could reach out to him without raising suspicion.
Even without the issue of legality regarding spouse witnesses, the opening scene makes little sense in character development. The motivations are all wrong and implausible. Like, not likely. Bella is wife to America’s greatest mob boss, but she decides to just leave her detail behind to go for coffee? That would not happen. Jacob Black swoops down and arrests her, insuring he creates a hostile, irate witness that guarantees an unwillingness to listen? That’s just stupid police work. And the biggest affront to character development is ignoring the ready made connection Bella and Jacob have, having grown up together. It’s stated that they’ve known each other since childhood but the opportunity to capitalize on it as a story element is squandered. He doesn’t act like a familiar friend/acquaintance, but like a hostile enemy and worse, like a stranger. The fact that they know each other just kind of sits there as a throwaway fact. The unlikelyhood of the characters motivations is a turn off for the audience.
Date: 22 Dec 2015 10:23 PM Title: Chapter 1
are u ever going to finish this story?
Date: 21 Oct 2015 7:41 AM Title: Prologue
Please don't kill me with anticipation. Tottaly in love with your work.
Date: 01 Jun 2015 1:39 PM Title: Prologue
this is a really good story please update soon!!!!!!
Date: 06 Feb 2015 9:23 PM Title: Chapter 1
Wonderful! The detail given in the background story is not only informative but gives your readers a clue to Bella's mindset not just then but in the years to come. Edward's greeting is a bit off-putting, but then perhaps that is why he reacted like that - to push Bella away. I look forward to more!
Date: 05 Feb 2015 7:56 PM Title: Chapter 1
I keep thinking about the first chapter. I think Jake is lying to get her to break. She should trust the Cullens. They took her in and loved her.
Date: 05 Feb 2015 4:42 PM Title: Chapter 1
I'm putting this as a favorite! I can't wait to see where this goes!
Date: 04 Feb 2015 8:05 PM Title: Chapter 1
Can't wait to read more!!!!!
[Report This]Date: 03 Feb 2015 4:54 PM Title: Chapter 1
Love your story so far. Can't wait for more updates.
Date: 03 Feb 2015 2:04 AM Title: Chapter 1
I'm so into this story, excellent writing! Keep the chapters coming!
Date: 02 Feb 2015 10:51 PM Title: Chapter 1
I'm really enjoying the story! Can't wait for more!
Date: 02 Feb 2015 9:45 PM Title: Chapter 1
How very sad so much a little girl should ever see
Date: 02 Feb 2015 8:10 PM Title: Chapter 1
More more more more
[Report This]Date: 02 Feb 2015 7:58 PM Title: Chapter 1
wow hateful edward
Date: 02 Feb 2015 2:10 PM Title: Prologue
Please update soon! Can't wait for more!
Date: 31 Jan 2015 2:18 PM Title: Prologue
I really enjoyed this first chapter. Will you go back in time so we catch up or will it continues from here with flashbacks? Looking forward to next chapter.
Date: 30 Jan 2015 5:10 AM Title: Prologue
Oh my. This should be an excellent read. Glad to hear the whole story is outlined. I'm looking forward to your latest work.
Date: 30 Jan 2015 3:05 AM Title: Prologue
Can't wait for more! Great chapter!
Date: 29 Jan 2015 9:10 PM Title: Prologue
Chapter One is the End of this Story?
Or you write the "Prolog" than the "Epilogue" ?
But the Chapter was nice ;-)
Author's Response:
Oh, you're right. I meant Prologue. Thanks for pointing it out :)