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Reviewer: beckey Signed [Report This]
Date: 28 Jun 2015 1:42 AM Title: Chapter 3

OH PLZ  THIS COULD BE A GREAT STORY MORE THE 3 CHAPTERS ..????PLZ    PLZ I LOVE THIS STORY

Reviewer: Celebrityhound Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 11 Jun 2015 12:27 PM Title: Chapter 3

Day Dream Dreamer did not do a very good job and the storu seemed incomplete although it was a good premise

Reviewer: 2mpix Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Oct 2014 10:13 AM Title: Chapter 3

He totally told his family where to stick it!

Reviewer: 2mpix Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Oct 2014 9:58 AM Title: Chapter 2

If they ever find out they are married I'm sure rose will poop her pants!

Reviewer: 2mpix Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Oct 2014 9:39 AM Title: Chapter 1

This is so cute!  A nice surprise him being the Prince!

Reviewer: Wiseoldsoul Signed [Report This]
Date: 08 Sep 2014 10:35 AM Title: Chapter 3

Perhaps a couple more chapters? :)

well done...really, 2 more chapters can make this story HEA ;)

Reviewer: fannygilmore Signed [Report This]
Date: 14 Jul 2014 7:02 PM Title: Chapter 3

Great job.

Thanks.

Reviewer: pinkdiamondsparkle Signed [Report This]
Date: 09 Jul 2014 3:41 AM Title: Chapter 3

Oh my gosh! You have to keep writing! Loved the three shot. Wish it was longer :)

Reviewer: pinkdiamondsparkle Signed [Report This]
Date: 09 Jul 2014 3:12 AM Title: Chapter 1

Oh man I just got so excited to read this!!! 

Reviewer: jane210 Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Jun 2014 2:14 PM Title: Chapter 3

Great start keep up the good work!

Reviewer: YouDaOne Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 12 Jun 2014 8:01 AM Title: Chapter 3

PLEASE CONTINUE THIS! 

It was amazing and the idea was so unique. 

Please continue <3

Reviewer: tff Signed [Report This]
Date: 09 Jun 2014 7:35 AM Title: Chapter 3

good. seems like there should be more :)

Reviewer: tff Signed [Report This]
Date: 09 Jun 2014 7:25 AM Title: Chapter 2

good

Reviewer: tff Signed [Report This]
Date: 09 Jun 2014 7:25 AM Title: Chapter 1

good

Reviewer: troberts Signed [Report This]
Date: 08 Jun 2014 5:07 PM Title: Chapter 3

I loved it to only live the dream

Reviewer: troberts Signed [Report This]
Date: 08 Jun 2014 4:30 PM Title: Chapter 2

It is not easy being them

Reviewer: troberts Signed [Report This]
Date: 08 Jun 2014 3:47 PM Title: Chapter 1

Love it

Reviewer: Stellarrose Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 07 Jun 2014 12:41 PM Title: Chapter 3

I would definitely love to see this expanded to a bigger fic!

Reviewer: WAL70 Signed [Report This]
Date: 07 Jun 2014 3:45 AM Title: Chapter 3

THAT WAS HOT! LOVED IT, THANKS JJ!

Reviewer: Roon1 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 07 Jun 2014 12:11 AM Title: Chapter 3

Very enjoyable thank you.

Reviewer: Roon1 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 07 Jun 2014 12:02 AM Title: Chapter 2

Awesome chapter.  I wonder when Edward and Bella will come clean?

Reviewer: TheMidnightLady Signed starstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 04 Jun 2014 6:03 PM Title: Chapter 3

A good story. An interesting switch from your other works. However, the three shot has me sitting here in question. Usually you are good at tying up everything and not leaving the reader with Serious questions to be answered. In this case, I feel like there are many. That can be a good thing, as it means there was alot implied, but it also can be a bad thing because it makes the story feel incomplete.

Short fiction is my area of concentration in writing; typically it looks at a single change (or degree of change) within a character. The idea that something happens which causes them to move from their normal way of living or feeling. It usually is small-ish.

For example, a woman decides she wants to go for a high end job. She seems skittish. A short story unfortunately doesn't have the space to allow her to become a rockin' CEO like a novel would. The short story may end up with her not getting the job, but feelling a little bit better because she tried. Or it may end up with her deciding that the job isn't for her and she wants one a little more low key.

What makes this story feel incomplete is the fact that it seems to focus on Bella's change from being upset with going public, to.....????? I'm not sure. She seems to still dispise the idea which means that she has not experienced a change. Is she a little more okay with it? If so, maybe try to bring it out clearer.  If the focus was ment to be on Edward, its not clear that he has changed position either.

The Change from a Situation, the Revelation of a Mystery, and the Resolution of Tension each drive short stories (and chapters of a book). For this one, try focussing a bit more either on the Resolution of tension between Edward/Bella or  the Change within one of them which occurs. It will give your story a more complete feeling at the end if there is one major issue resolved.

As always, these are just suggestions based off my take. I wish you luck with your further writing my dear. I'm sure it will be fabulous as always.

Reviewer: Roon1 Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 04 Jun 2014 9:41 AM Title: Chapter 1

Wow, Prince Edward?  Awesome.

Reviewer: Veronique24 Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 04 Jun 2014 2:50 AM Title: Chapter 3

Great short-ish story! It was a joy to read.

Reviewer: justginger Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 03 Jun 2014 9:03 PM Title: Chapter 3

LOVED IT

Reviewer: justginger Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 03 Jun 2014 8:54 PM Title: Chapter 2

great chapter

Reviewer: justginger Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 03 Jun 2014 8:42 PM Title: Chapter 1

wow! what an amazing first chapter!

Reviewer: alices911turbo Signed [Report This]
Date: 03 Jun 2014 4:34 AM Title: Chapter 1

Really great 

Reviewer: the real teacher Signed [Report This]
Date: 03 Jun 2014 3:52 AM Title: Chapter 3

Was really good....i could happily read more of it!

Reviewer: sparklymagpie Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 03 Jun 2014 2:43 AM Title: Chapter 3

Loved this and it was so much fun to read. So sad that it's only a three shot :(

Merrily

Kat

Reviewer: MaryMary Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 11:32 PM Title: Chapter 3

that could make a great story.. this just left us begging.

 

thanks

Reviewer: MaryMary Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 11:19 PM Title: Chapter 2

I hope Bella tells him in front of Rosalie that they can't be married etc.

Reviewer: MaryMary Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 11:05 PM Title: Chapter 1

Oh wow. That would be something.  Harry are you hiding someone?  Well

Reviewer: Maria11 Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 10:46 PM Title: Chapter 3

Oh man I want more!!!

Reviewer: Maria11 Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 10:44 PM Title: Chapter 2

Oh boy this is going to a long road for Bella.

Reviewer: Maria11 Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 10:43 PM Title: Chapter 1

Here we go another ed and Bella roller coaster!

Reviewer: asam75 Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 9:01 PM Title: Chapter 3

Thanks, I really enjoyed it.  Left me wanting more, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

Reviewer: Robda Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 8:16 PM Title: Chapter 3

No, no , no this  had to be full length story, no way is this the end,it's too good.  We need the family to accept her and the world to know they r married . Please rethink adding more chapters , please......

Reviewer: Robda Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 7:51 PM Title: Chapter 2

Omg! I love this story so much! please more chapters lol....

Reviewer: debslmac Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 7:26 PM Title: Chapter 3

loved this.  I hope you add to it sometime

Reviewer: debslmac Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 7:26 PM Title: Chapter 2

:)

Reviewer: debslmac Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 7:25 PM Title: Chapter 1

:)

Reviewer: rani87 Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 7:02 PM Title: Chapter 3

oh no please continue!!!!

this story hast so much potential

i would love to read more!!!!

Reviewer: kaycross1184 Signed [Report This]
Date: 02 Jun 2014 5:57 PM Title: Chapter 1

Oh my god, and you say this is only onna be a three-shot? I don't see how this could possibly be so short. Can't wait for the next update!

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